Let's see...

Not much going on. On the 5th of November Aldon's submarine came in for a little bit to do some repairs, but they were gone again on the 8th. Atleast I had two days with him (since on of the days he worked 24 hours.) But it's sucked ever since he went back out. I'm missing him a ton and it's just not the same without him. All we can do lately is wait to hear when they're going to come home, but it sounds like it won't be until Mid-December or later. So everyone please home it's before Mid-December that they get back..



On the 15th I had my annual check done by my Primary Care Manager. What she did was more of a physical along with the annual checkup. I got my ears tested, my eyes checked, Blood Pressure, and Weight. All went well. I got a letter in the mailbox a few days ago from their office saying my results came back normal, so I have a year until I get another one done. I'm glad it came back good because I was nervous. Never know if I'll find out I have precancer again or worse (I had precancer of the cervix in 2001.)



Anyway, I got referred back over to the gyno. I should make an appointment with her soon, since it's not too far from when Aldon is coming home. I also have to call the PCM tomorrow to ask if she could give me a prescription for provera. I noticed she accidently gave me a prescription for glucophage which haven't taken for months.



So that's all the news that is up. For update on my weigh-in, check out my weightloss page! Bye!

An update

Well, I got my period on the 21st of October and by the 24th it was pretty much over with. Nothing much has happened since then. Since Aldon is getting back mid-December, I plan to have an appointment with the gyno sometime this month. Which means I shoud be calling her sometime soon so I can be sure it'd be okay. I also have an annual that I'm getting done on the 15th of this month. I'll have it done by my PCM.



A few things I've realized, am grateful for and want to share my opinion. I *do* realize I'm young. My gyno has pointed that out and my PCM has too. I'm very well aware of the fact that I'm young. But I also have PCOS, and if that's not dealt with when I am young I risk a much greater chance of problems later on. Also, I don't want to wait around until I'm 35 to have children. I want to be young so I have the joys of parenting and am up and able for the challenge. I also want to have a time period when I'm older where I have time to myself (and my husband.) I want to still be "young" when I have that.



I do also know I have mixed feelings. I want a child with all my heart and pray I'm a great parent. At the same time, I'm nervous. Nervous about a few things actually. About birth. About how good I'd be at parenting. And then nervous about... will Aldon still be attracted to me after he sees a kid the size of a watermelon coming out of my ...? Yes, a pathetic question but it's my one insecurity. I want to be the mother, but at the same time I still want to be attractive to my husband. I fear I can't have the best of both worlds. I always wonder how much will a child change things for us. Our feelings. Our views. I'm sure everyone understands how those questions feel. Aldon says for me to not ask what-if, but sometimes you catch yourself doing it. Perhaps it's a way to prepare for a worse.



Well, I'll leave my journal at that for tonight. I'm going to try to sleep here soon. Maybe get too sleep earlier then normal for a change. Take care. Until later, bye.



P.S. I've got a cold. Stuffed up head, horrible cough, and nose that's stuffy. Oh yeah, the joys of being sick.

Soon, soon... I hope

Well, I should be getting my period relatively soon. There may be a little mess up with it because I missed a day of my pill. So the 13th, 14th and 15th I took a pill.. then the 17th and 18th. I know I'll still get it. I should be looking to get it on the 22nd. I still wish I could get it on my own. Maybe next time I will. I'm on this PCOS yahoo group and some people were talking about glucophage. One person took glucophage and ovulated the same cycle.. then again some it took 6 cycles. I want to look up the benefits of it. I was on glucophage, but quit it because I didn't feel like it made a difference and it was causing a few problems. I might ask about it. Can't hurt to try it again, right? Maybe. We'll see.



That's pretty much it. I wish things were more exciting over here. Weight was on a plataeu, but I think it's finally over with. I'm 29 pounds lighter then I was in January... and sadly, it's the lighest I've been for two years. Too bad it hasn't brought my period back. Why can't I have a semi-normal functioning body? Is that to much to ask for?

Time flies...

Even when you're *not* having fun. So Jolene (:wink:) wouldn't chew me out, I started my pills today. I actually swallowed it without water.. ewww... I still can taste it. Let me tell you.. pills are HORRIBLE. So in about 9 days I should have my period, isn't that exciting? I'll make sure next month if I don't get my period to start the pills on time, promise. I want to make sure I'm semi normal before Aldon gets back! That way we can get back to baby making when he gets home! I'll have to make sure to make an appointment with the GYNO before then, that way I can get started on clomid that month he gets back.



Nothing else to mention! I guess the TTC journal gets sort of shorter when husband isn't home.. hmm, wonder why! I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks the male needs to be present TTC. ;o) I'll report more later!

I've been bad

I admit I haven't taken my provera to get my period yet. It's what, day 36? I guess I should start my pills tonight. I think I've just been hoping that there is some chance I'd get my period on my own. I really hate relying on pills for it. I want a normal body.



Nothing is really up. Atleast nothing important. I should schedule an appointment to go back to my PCM (primary care manager) so she can refer me back to my GYNO. At this point I'm not doing GYNO appointments, but I should get the referal ready so nearer to when Aldon comes home I can go in, have my appointment, and get clomid again.



Okay, brain froze. That's all that's said. Until later, bye!

Perfect timing

I called in my refill order a few minutes ago. It'll be ready to be picked up earlier then I thought. It's ready Thursday, which is also Day 28 of my cycle. I think I'll wait around on the 28th to see if it comes by itself, then start my provera on the 29th to induce it. I really am hoping to get my period on my own sometime. If not this month.. maybe I can hope for next? I know I'll regret saying this.. but, I miss having my period on my own. Eeks! That's going to come back to bite me in the butt later.



My mom and I were talking on the phone again about children (I believe yesterday). Or maybe this was the same conversation? LOL. Anyway, I was talking to her about twins. I asked her if she would be shocked if I wound up with a pair (LOL). She told me she wouldn't be. I asked her why. She said it was because when I talked to her about being pregnant with twins she felt that I would be. It really has me wondering. My mother has fairly good intuition. So, we'll have to see! Right now, I'd be escatic being pregnant with one.

Day 24 of Cycle: NO SHOW

Well, today is Day 24 of my cycle and there is *no* difference on Basal Body Temp, which just prooves my point. Either I'm a) not ovulating or b) Basal Body checking is crap. However, get this, what showed I was ovulating? OF COURSE, THE OVULATION STICKS! So things are messed up. Although I'm sort of wondering if the sticks are the liars. I just think they are.



I was talking to mom about birth yesterday. I wanted to know how her labor went and all, as I'm worried about actually *giving birth*. The idea of a baby in my tummy and a child being around is fine and dandy, love it... but, the thought of delivering scares the sh*t out of me! Back then.. there was *no* such thing as epidural. LOL. She said with Richard, she was in a lot of pain and had drugs. Well, what do you expect? He was born breech. *That* has got to hurt! With me, she said she didn't have any pain and didn't have drugs. Now I really I hope I have her kind of birth that she had with me! So much for small wishes. LOL.



That's pretty much all going on. I have to reorder my pills, and have forgot to do so. So I need to do that tomorrow and I know they won't have them in for a week. ((HOW the heck do you not *have* them in for a week? I will never get this.)) Unfortunetely, since I've forgotten it means I won't be taking my pills on day 28 to start my period. Maybe I'll get lucky and get it on my own, but I have a feeling that isn't going to workout. So, I guess I'll be taking them around day 32/34 or so. Man, what I'd do for a normal functioning body!

Cycle day: 16 and an appropriate horoscope

Today is cycle day 16, no sign of basal body temperature rising. Well, it *sort of* did. I realize I range lower on BBT. Yesterday I was 96.8. Today I'm 97.0. I was thinking, maybe she wants me to do this because there's a chance it'll show a rise. And with this rise, she wants to see *what day* it happens. Why? So she knows what day to do ovulation tests. Possibly? I don't know. Best I could think of. We'll see if the basal shows any difference. I still have some ovulation test sticks so I might try those in a few days. I'm sure they'll show I'm ovulating, but I don't know. I don't know what it'd mean when it shows my LH surge rise, but I didn't ovulate on tests. Maybe I should ask..



I was cruising horoscope pages and found an appropriate horoscope for me today. Here it is:



During the time of this aspect it is advisable to acquire a greater vision of the positive elements that sentimentally are forming part of your life; thus, if you give inner thanks for the good things happening to you, it is very probable that they are expanded and magnified. Don't concentrate on things you lack or would like to possess emotionally, it would be preferable to put your psyche on positive things and what is good for your family and sentimental relationships.



I was really thinking about this. And it's true. How much of us don't focus on the good things? I don't, but I should be. My body is giving myself thanks because I'm losing weight, and I should give myself inner thanks for how I've been feeling. I really should concentrate on the good things rather then the bad. So in light of that, here are some positive things that have been happening:



1) I'm losing weight

2) I think one of my PCOS problems is lessening. It's hurisitism (hair on face), I think it's coming in slower and less.

3) I'm more motivated since I started working out

4) I've realized how tasty a chicken salad with fat free catalina can be (LOL.. I'm eating one right now)

5) I'm stronger. I could pick up Aldon even.

6) I'm getting more muscles in my legs and arms

7) I got this cool line developing that goes down the middle of my abdomens

8) Losing weight will make me healthier, and healthier when I get pregnant





There's more. I know they're mostly related to my exercise and weightloss, but still, they are positive! I do have a lot going for me right now, and I am happy. I just hope that since I'm losing weight my periods will come on their own, and maybe my body will let me ovulate on my own. Hope hope.

Short update

Well, the 3rd I got my period, I called about 4 days later to tell the doctor's office. Of course by that time my period was over with! LOL. Let's see... no clomid, just watching basal body temperature. I personally don't think basal body temperatures are accurate in watching for ovulation, but we'll see. The end.

Day one

It's day one of my cycle and I'm not too excited. I was having cramps that made me feel horrible. It was then that I wondered why I wanted to get my period in the first place! But I'm doing better now.



The doctor wants me to chart my basal body temperature. Before I started this cycle for like three days I was trying to "practice" getting in the hang of it. How the heck do I remember every morning once waking up to STOP! Not get out of bed and relax and take my temp? Craziness. But I'll continue to try, even though sometimes I don't think this is as accurate as it could be. Maybe we'll see if it shows me if I ovulate on my own. I doubt.



This is where TTC halts. There is no TTC. Just now trying to get my schedule on track, get me to ovulate, and also try losing weight. Hurricane Frances is threatening to come this way, so the guys are getting the submarine ready to leave and should be leaving today. They don't want their precious boat hit. They should be coming home soon after it dies for a week more, then leave for patrol. I'm not sure though. All I know is I miss him everytime he leaves.



So there won't be much to report in this journal since he'll be gone. However, I might give small updates on weightloss (for those who don't read my weightloss journal), give updates on my cycle, and how things are going. Take care.

When you *look* at it like that

Miss Pregnant Alisha Says: "You're getting thin while I'm getting fat."



Hee hee, yep. There's atleast *something* to look forward too. Still I'd like to have a child. Pregnancy test in 2 hours! I'll update when I get the results, or complain if they never call me back. LOL.



Update 3 Pm: I'm back. I'm a little dissapointed. Not because the test said negative, since I knew it would be, but dissapointed in my doctor. Well, she doesn't want me on clomid while Aldon is gone. So, no clomid for me. What she wants me to do right now is:



Start provera to induce period

On day 28th of cycle check for pregnancy (this time), then if not, start provera again

On next 28th day start provera (if I don't get my period on my own)



She says we're just aiming to get my period between 28-32 days apart then start clomid, *once* Aldon is home. So I'll be on clomid again.. just when Aldon gets back. Personally it sucks because I want a normal ovulation *before* he gets home. I was about to cry. You know what she tells me? "You're 20 years old, don't rush things". Don't rush things? I can't have my period on my own, I can't ovulate, and I've been trying 22 unsuccessful months TTC! I understand I am young... but, c'mon I want my body to function right at the *least*.



So, when we start clomid up again, if I can't ovulate on 100 mg for the three months he's back she wants to refer me to a Endocrinologist, named Dr. Winslow. She says most likely it'll be either to raise clomid up, or put me on pergonal. Since Clomid is the milder fertility drug. I don't think I want to have pergonal though. I'd like to be able to get pregnant on Clomid.



So, I guess time will see what happens. She wants me to measure my basal body temperature. I guess that'll show if I am ovulating or not. Fun. I used to have problems remembering to take BCP each day, now I have to remember to take my temp the moment I wake. :long sigh: We'll see what happens. I don't really want to go to an endocrinologist.

Off topic, but true

My horoscope is really appropriate today so I felt like sharing:



The Moon in Capricorn is forming an earthy Grand Trine with the Sun, Mercury, Mars and the North Node -- the point of the future of your soul. This laundry list of planets means two things. You know how many things are working in your favor now -- and, as unfashionable as it is, you are ready to jump in and do the work required to get things rolling once again.



It applies mostly to my weightloss, because now I realize what I have to do to get to my goal and am getting there. I've lost 6.2 pounds in two weeks. I'm happy for that :o) And, Jolene, I don't know if you realize I have a weightloss journal. Click on the links to the weightloss site on the right of the screen ;o)



Anywho, tomorrow we test for pregnancy. I've prepared for a negative result. Even though I know it will be negative, just when she says it it brings it to life. It still hurts, no matter how someone is ready for the bad results. But I'll be okay. I look at it this way... Aldon will be gone almost three months, I could lose up to 20 pounds in those three months, and then I'd be healthier. I may still not be healthy, but the chance will go up for getting pregnant. I can look forward to that. I just am hoping for some luck. If not, maybe I can reach my goal weight in a year ;o) Well, I'll update when I get the results and when her and I talk about what to do next. I *don't* want to stop clomid. To me, if I stop then start again, won't that be like having to start at day 1 all over again? I don't want that, I want to be normal (atleast better then I am now) when Aldon gets back.

Finally

Today at 8 AM my doctor finally called me back! She was sorry because she woke me up. I didn't tell her she did, but I know she knew since I sounded so exhausted. She asked me what it is I needed to talk about, if I could remember (since it was early). LOL. So we talked about maybe testing ovulation a little too early or a little too late, etc. I told her it's day 33 of my cycle today and told her no period is on it's way. She said for me to come in for a pregnancy test (she'll do blood because I asked) on Thursday at 1 pm. I guess she can send them to the hospital and get the results the same day. I'm not confident that I'm pregnant - in fact - I know I'm not. That's where the conversation about testing too early and too late came in, she thinks I may've ovulated but we caught it the wrong time. So she wants to see. I still don't see the purpose.. all I'm gonna hear is the results were negative. While I'm there, though, I'll ask about getting my prescriptions written since I have none.



I told her Aldon would be leaving soon for the patrol. She mentioned about stopping clomid.. I told her I'd like to have my schedule fixed for when he comes home again. So I don't know if she'll be wanting to stop them or not. I guess we'll wait and talk to her Thursday about it. I'll update when I know what will be going on.

*still* waiting/update: bad news, again

It's been a *week* and I'm still waiting for my ovulation results. I called on Thursday and talked to the nurse. She said my Obgyn was out of town for a while and was back, trying to catch up on things. I asked her, "well, when will I get a call from her with my results?" She said, "Probably tomorrow." Probably tomorrow, my butt! I didn't get called in the 4 hours they were open on Friday and am still waiting for the results. It's day *26* of my cycle here and I still don't know the results. I need to know them, then talk to her about what we'll be doing this month. I have to also get more clomid since I'm out of it too. I think I'll call the office soon and see if I can get the results. Plus, I need to call tricare (my insurance) to see when my refferel there expires. Today I was supposed to have an appointment with my PCM but I had to cancel, since it is suppposed to be at 2:30 but Aldon has the car!



I'll update once I find out more.



Updated 11:22 am: 20 minutes after I posted the post, I found out a few things. First, I called Tricare, my referrel expires 9/30 so I still have time to see her. I have to make sure to get a PCM "6 month update" appointment before then so she can refer me back. I have a feeling, though, that the ob/gyn will want to have me go to a specialist in Jacksonville. I'm going to see in the phone book if there is *any* person who's more specialized in infertility problems and is in the Saint Marys/Kingsland area. I'm hoping there is, since Jacksonville is a distance away to go each time to.



I called the doctor's office. I talked to the nurse (again), telling her it has been a week since I gotten the test. She told me the doctor was *still* on vacation! Last time it was that she was catching up. WTH. Anyway, she looked up the results. Results: 0.4, same as last month. I'm not ovulating AGAIN. On 100 mg of clomid I cannot even ovulate. I don't know if last month maybe they tested a day late, and this month a day early. All I know is I'm frustrated. Oh, and the test they do? It's a 21-day progresterone level test. The doctor will be back on Wednesday, day 28th of my cycle. I have no clue what she'll want me to do. 150 mg clomid this time? Who knows.



In a way I'm so frustrated I feel like quitting. Just giving up and seeing where that brings me. I know I won't, but it really isn't fun doing this. I have been having cramps, I'm not sure if that's a sign my period is on the way itself or if it's my monthly "hey, here's cramps but you'll still need to take provera to get me" pain. I'm sorry, I'm complaining. I hope everyone has a great day. I'll write more when things happen.

Frustrated/Impatient

Well, on the 10th I got my blood tests done. I called yesterday around 3 because they hadn't called me yet (they were prompt last time). They said that the results weren't in and the doctor would call me when they were. Blah blah blah. Well, they never called me today either! So it's a bit frustrating because they told me it'd be in.



Hopefully tomorrow they'll call me, then I'll mention the results. Otherwise I'm calling them back tomorrow and telling them they should be in. Yes, I'm impatient. I just want to know if the clomid did it's job. And I need to know the next steps.

Later today...

Later today I find out my results forthe ovulation tests. I'm afraid to know what they say. I'm hoping I ovulated, so I have some piece of mind. On 100 mg of clomid I'd better be ovulating. Although, as sad as it sounds, I sort of know this isn't my month (to get pregnant). Just my intuition taking over, but wishful thinking is still there.



In a way I've made up my mind about a few things. I'm going to start working out. If I get pregnant, great! If I don't, atleast I can work towards getting down a few sizes. That's my thinking in a nutshell. I'm trying to repair my emotions and do what's better for me.

Day 16 of cycle and...

Today is day 16 of my cycle (yes, early AM here) and I decided to do an ovulation test stick. The line is there. I'm not ovulating *yet* but it is showing it will be soon. It's light, but noticable. Too bad this isn't a pregnancy test. LOL. I'm worried with it showing up so early. Afraid when I get my blood drawn on the 19th it will be just too late again. Wouldn't that be my luck if it was? I want to be *sure* I'm ovulating. I'd trust blood work more then a test stick.



All I'm hoping is that clomid did it's job this time. I don't know if she'll up my dose again this month if I didn't ovulate or what she'll do. I guess we'll see.

And I'm back on the clomid...

I almost forgot to take my two doses of clomid today, but thankfully something triggered my mind. Thank heavens. With only 14 minutes to go until a new day too LOL. I'm sort of depressed about this... this thing called trying to conceive. At times I want to gives my hands in and say no more. How much can one person go through? At 21 months of trying, I can only imagine how it feels for people who've been trying a lifetime. My heart goes out to you. You truly have a big heart.



I don't know what to say. Aldon's mom called today and checked up on us. After she talked to me a while she talked to Aldon. I guess she asked how I was doing. He, of course, said I was fine... and that he's happy for Carmen and Ben's pregnancy. Just that we've been trying. Under my shell, I'm not fine but I don't want others worrying for me. It's no ones fault. I'm alright, just a little broken. But what's broken can be fixed and I am healing. I know I will be pregnant someday. I will be blessed and grateful. When is just the question.



I got my Weightloss site up. So if you want to, check it out. There isn't much there, but in time there will be. I sometimes think I'm going to just give in, give up on "trying", and go full force into losing this weight. I'm deciding on some programs to get... which you'll see in my journal on my weightloss site.



August 9th... that's when we test for ovulation. August 9th... the last chance of getting pregnant before Aldon's leaves.

A visitor

Well, I got a visitor today, my period. Right on time, I might add. I am getting good at knowing how many days from when I start medroxy progresterone til when I finish it will I get it. It's frustrating. I had a normal period last month, and this month I'm back to being on the pills. Sometimes I wonder why my body is so messed up.

 

I called my OB/GYN's office  to tell her I got my period. So she'll be calling me back sometime soon. She wants me to start my clomid, 100 mg, on the third day of my cycle. That'll be the 24th. Then she said she wanted me in on the 19th day of my cycle to check for ovualtion. So that'll be August 9th I go in for blood work.

 

Right now I'm making a little "weightloss" webpage for myself. It'll keep me more on track that way. Hopefully I see some progress soon. My weightloss webpage should be up here in the next few days. Once it is up, I will link to it on my main webpage and this page.

 

That's all that is going on. I'll update if more happens.

Heartache

Well, yesterday I finally started my pills to get my period. I was sure I'd get it on my own, but waiting it out wasn't showing any progress. So, if I don't get my period "on my own" I should be responding to these pills by the 22nd of this month.



My heartaches today though. I got an email from my mother in law. Aldon's younger brother married in April, right? Well, she said Ben called her up, asked her if she was sitting down and told her Carmen (the wife) is pregnant. Due in February, meaning it was one month after their marriage that she got pregnant. And as much as I had a feeling that'd happen, I wasn't quite ready for it. Especially after another month of negative results. 21 months trying and still counting here.



Laura (one of the sisters) said she's glad because she was the only one of the six siblings to have children. She has three. And I hurt. Because, honestly, it should be me pregnant. Aldon and I have been so ready for a child and no one understands us. No one understands the heartache I've gone through every month I find out more bad news. To date, I believe 15 people I've known have gotten pregnant/had a child (well, one aborted, which I cannot forgive) during the time we started trying.



And I feel like an outcast. Honestly, I do. I can't see how I'm supposed to put a smile on my face while this newly wedded couple is pregnant. Aldon doesn't know yet. When he comes home from work today it's going to be hard to say... "Hey, how was your day? Mine.. okay. I exercised today and crocheted a little. Oh, and by the way your younger brother and her wife are pregnant."



I am happy for her, but I'm envious. I feel like I'm fighting so hard for nothing, and all these others are getting knocked up for free. I know when I get pregnant I'll love my children deeply and have a better understanding for others like me. I'll truly appreciate the blessings of life. But a woman can only handle so much heartache before she goes numb.

Maybe someone understands this?

Alright, this has been wandering my mind and I don't get it. I doubt it's a possibility but want to understand something. Normal people ovulate 12-14 days into their cycle, right? So they test on the day of their missed period to get their negative or positive test result. Well, what about people like me? My peak ovulation was around the 19th day of my cycle. So wouldn't I want to test *5* days after my period is due? Does that make sense? I just don't understand it how it'd work for people like me. I doubt I'm pregnant, but... doesn't that sound right?



And about testing for hCG. This one site says to the answer of how long to hold off going pee before you test... "If you are testing early, a four-hour wait is a good idea. The more hCG you have in your system, the less long you'll need to hold before trying to test." Is that true? Then wouldn't I have a problem there? I can only hold my bladder a short time since I have a weak one. So does that mean since I go pee so often the hCG wouldn't be as noticable? Maybe I'm not thinking straight. Just figured I'd ask.



Added 7/12: I am still getting cramps but no sign of my period. I think I might start my medroxy progresterone (provera) tonight so I can get my period relatively soon. Since I'm just prolonging it. Aldon says it's up to me. He says if I would feel better waiting a few days for testing before I start my pills then it's fine. We'll see.

And the results are in....

Confucious says: A negative result makes a lady TTC sad.



In a way I had a feeling I wasn't pregnant. Just wishful hoping that, obviously, wasn't enough to get the positive I long for. How am I doing? I'm alright.. I guess... the results were same as always. LOL. I haven't started my pills (even though I was supposed to yesterday). I've been having light cramps which I think will bring my period on my own. I'll give it a day more.



At times I think maybe I should stop "trying". Stop going to the OB/GYN.. just STOP thinking about it in general. Maybe then I'd have some luck. It isn't like I'm thinking about it much anyway. It's not like when I have sex I think "Great, time for babymaking!" No, not like that at all. And going to the OB/GYN is just to help with the fertility issues. But, who knows, sometimes people have gotten pregnant once they STOPPED clomid. I doubt I'd be so lucky. We can hope, right?



I guess I start two doses of clomid this time then. Since that's all I have left (ten pills) I'll need to remember to ask her for a new prescription next round. And next month I have to remember I have an appointment with my PCM. It's supposed to be a six month check in. Can you believe it, 5 months ago I went to my new PCM to ask for a referal? Of course, it took three months to get my first appointment with her. Haha.



As for keeping myself busy and in check... I've started crocheting. My first and only project was a "baby" afghan so far.. and I still haven't completed it yet. But the thing I'm crocheting now is my first time project following from a book. And I'm doing good. It's a afghan for my future baby. Whenever that may come.

Tomorrow I test

Tomorrow I get to buy myself a home pregnancy test to see if I'm pregnant. I'm sort of nervous about it. I don't know what to think honestly. In a way I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant but a part of me longs to be hopeful and think there's a chance I did ovulate.



I don't see why the OB/GYN doesn't want to do a test herself. I really think she believes I didn't ovulate this month so there'd be no need. And maybe she's right. However, I really am wondering if things will work out. I'm hoping the tests give me a correct answer. I don't want a positive result if I'm not, or a negative result if I am. I don't want to risk being pregnant, not knowing and going back on clomid. I wouldn't know what to do if I miscarried. I'd feel so guilty.



In a way, I'm not sure. I feel like I'm going to get my period. I'm getting little cramps. But it feels odd... I don't know how to describe it. Some reason it feels "heavier" down there. Really hard to mention how it feels heavier because I'm not even sure. I just *feel* it. We'll see. Maybe it's just my period trying to say "hey! I'm coming!"



One way to find out... tomorrow, tomorrow.

Two Lines!

No, I'm not pregnant. However, I decided a week ago to buy ovulation sticks to see if they'd say I'm ovulating or not. It's supposed to show your LH jump. To be ovulating the one line has to be as dark or darker then the test line. Well, I tested the 15th day of my cycle but the one line was way too light. 16th, light, but showing. On the 17th, 18th, and 19th it was as dark as the test line. On the 20th day of my cycle (yesterday) it had gotten light again. So, I should've been ovulating around the 17th-19th day of my cycle!



Yesterday I went to get my blood drawn from a diagnostics place. The OB/Gyns secretary asked if I'd go there to get the test done rather then their office, since it'd be sooner before they get the results. I should be getting the results either today or tomorrow. I figure if I haven't gotten a call by the end of today that I'd call and ask tomorrow afternoon. I really hope the ovulation tests were accurate and that I did, infact, ovulate.



Amazing, right when I was typing this, my phone rang. It was my OB/gyn. She had the results... she said the test came back showing 0.4. She said to be ovulating it has to be between 0.8 to 3.something. I asked her and she said there's not a chance I ovulated. I mentioned to her I was using ovulation sticks and that from the 17th-19th days of cycle it was dark and on the day I got my blood test the stick was light. So there's a CHANCE I did, infact, ovulate but they were too late in catching it. So we have a new plan this month.



On the 30th day of my cycle (the 10th of this month), if I haven't gotten my period I test myself for pregnancy. If I'm not pregnant I go back on medroxy (provera). On the 3rd day of my cycle (whenever it starts/started) I start taking 2 clomid a day instead of one. So I'll be taking 100 mg of clomid for five days. On the 19th day of my cycle, we'll be testing for ovulation. Of course, if things happen and a pregnancy tests says I'm pregnant, I contact her. If I start my period, I contact her. So we'll see how things go. I'm sort of nervous about this month. I hope things look up.

A good month

I wanted to mention an update on this journal, but didn't want to until I talked to my friend, Jolene. Wanted to chat with her about it all first before I mentioned it here. Now that I've talked to her I'm posting it! Well, on the 10th I started my medroxy at 11:30 pm. Around 12 am (so the 11th really) I noticed I was spotting. I had started my period on my *own*. If I had waited and not took my pill I would've known before then.



So, to say the least, I'm very happy. On my own. How great is that? I haven't technically had a period on my own for over three years. Why? Because May 2001 to October 2002 I was on ortho tricyclen (birth control) so that forced my periods and then I was on medroxy (provera) to start them afterwards since I wouldn't get them. So I haven't had a period on my own for quite a while and even then they weren't normal. This one made my cycle 30 days! Which means there's a chance I'll be ovulating normally. Exciting.



So on the 30th at 4 pm I go in for ovulation tests. I don't quite understand why she is doing it the 20th day of my cycle because it should happen around the 15th day of my cycle, right? Anyhow, I'm hoping it turns out to be my lucky month. Maybe this change will bring on some good news in the near future. Can't wait.



For other news... Alisha told me about three weeks ago she's pregnant. Although I am a little sad, I'm very happy for her. She wasn't trying, wasn't expecting it. She just got off birth control probably a month and a half ago. I guess she got pregnant that month. It's amazing in itself. I just hope all goes well for her though. Motherhood is a big journey.



I'll be updating Wallace News now. Bye! Take care.

A tad frustrated & June 10th update

I'm a bit frustrated because of yesterday. Well, like I mentioned, I needed to get my period by yesterday otherwise I'm supposed to start medroxy (assuming I'm *not* pregnant). Well, I got to my appointment fine. It was *supposed* to be at two pm. Well, the place was PACKED of people, and some had a 2 o'clock appointment too which I didn't quite understand. Well, 2:20 approached and the nurse brought me back. I don't know what went wrong, but she weighed me and said it was weird because last time she weighed me she wrote down 200! I was like, "I didn't gain 48 pounds in three weeks! I *wish* I was 200." I know what I weighed on theirs last time... I weighed 251. SO she fixed her mistake.



She left, then came back in about three minutes later. She took my blood pressure and I know it's wrong. She told me I was 150/90! The max anyone should be is 130/89 and that's a high-normal. So I know something is wrong. I was 130/89 exactly at my dietican appointment. However, at the dietican appointment the blood pressure thing went too tight and did something to my arm. So now every so often when I push myself up my fingers (mainly my thumb) goes numb. Mother said that if I got nerve damage the blood pressure would read me wrong on that side. So I think it could've been that.



She left again, came back 10 minutes later. She apologized and said the doctor wasn't around. I guess she was delivering someone. I told her that isn't good because I needed the appointment that day. I told her I needed a pregnancy test then if I wasn't pregnant she was going to give me further instruction about taking medroxy to start. I told her I was supposed to be getting a dye test done afterwards too. She said she could give me the pregnancy test, so I gave her a sample. The results...



Negative. I knew I wasn't pregnant. However, I can't explain why for the past five days I was having cramps when my period hasn't came. I'm clueless.



So, the nurse said she'd give a message for the doctor to call me so I know what to do. I didn't want to start without her word. Well, it's 3:30 today and still no phonecall. I have a feeling I should do this on my own for now. I really dislike when doctor's pull things like this. I know I should get my tubes checked but with the stories I've heard, I feel like I shouldn't. I'm not big on the pain it'd cause. I think if I don't get pregnant in the next six months I'll go back to a specialist and get checked out. We'll see. Maybe I'll change my mind.



June 10th Update: Thankfully around 1 pm the Ob/gyn did call me. I didn't expect her to, but I was grateful for it. So we talked and she told me to start medroxy today. She said for me to take clomid this cycle too. I was like, "didn't you want me to get the dye test (Hysterosalpingography) done?" She said it at this point isn't too necessary. Right now we don't need to do it. Honestly, it was a relief to hear that. I know there's a chance my fallopian tubes could be plugged, but at this point I'd rather not worry. I heard two stories about it that bothered me too, and I'm not good on pain or cramps either.



So this is what the plan is this month:

Start medroxy (provera) today (6/10/04), one pill a day for five days

When menstruation starts (aka 1st day of cycle), stop medroxy if the dose wasn't finished

Call doctor when menstruation starts

3rd day of cycle start clomid, 1 a day for five days

20th day of cycle get tested for ovulation



Wish me luck!

Well, there's not much to say in the TTC update. Lately I've been taking time off from exercising. It's become frustrating to me over the last couple weeks so I needed a break. I need the time off because doing it 6 out of 7 days a week really was getting to me. Felt like no progress was coming along as much as I was doing, so I needed relaxation.



How am I feeling now? Still the same. I haven't been motivated. However, I asked Aldon if it'd be alright for me to get a ball for ab exercises and a few other little necessities for exercising at home. I think I'd feel more comfortable doing them at home. No worries, go at my own pace and all. In the long run it'd be cheaper on our pockets if I started doing it myself. Aldon said it'd be okay for me to get what I need, and I'm glad. I know Alisha would probably be upset. I told her I'd still go to exercise sometimes (these two weeks she's been in Winsconsin for vacation), but it'd be nicer to do it at home. And cheaper.



Today I was checking around on websites and decided something. When I'm pregnant I'm going to workout. I'm not talking heavy aerobics. I'll do things like light weights and walking, just something to keep me active and in shape. I feel like getting a pile of books about pregnancy ahead of time so I know every aspect beforehand, even though I know quite a bit. It just interests me, so maybe I'll pick up a few books here soon.



Well, like my obgyn said if I'm regular my period will start the 8th. If I'm *normal*. So the 8th is my appointment and I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it. She'll take a pregnancy test if I don't have my period, and if I'm not pregnant I start my medroxy. 2-3 days after my period ends I go in for the tubes test. Now *that* I'm not looking forward too. However, I'm not sure if I'm imaging this... but I've been having little cramps for four days now. I've been coming up with excuses for them but I can't help but notice they're still around. "Maybe they're my stomache over-hungry... maybe they're something else"... I know where they're coming from. I just don't want to get my hopes up (thinking my period *is* coming on it's own). I haven't had a normal period since Sept 2002 and that's when I was on ortho tri-cyclen. So long ago. It'd be a relief to get it normally, so let's hope for the best.

May be a long post... doctor update

This may be a long post about what's been going on this last week with me. I'll start with my two week update with Chase, my fitness trainer, and go from there.



Well, May 18th Alisha and I went to get our weigh check-in and our body fat content checked. We went two weeks ago and this week so we could fix our one month scheduling. Well, she couldn't make our schedule since she hadn't updated what classes were available and she didn't know what we'd do. Since Alisha is going out of town this weekend for two weeks, she can't go Tuesday for a schedule change. Because of that, I'm sticking to what we've been doing.



Anyway, my weigh-in was a bit of a dissapointment. I weighed-in 3 pounds heavier then I was two weeks ago which I'm sure is wrong. I was 250-even. I really think it's wrong since I weighed in the morning of at 245 pounds on my scale. It's a tad messed up. My body fat didn't make sense either, it was 0.7% higher. Here's my chart:

March 23, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
254.3	41.2%
April 20, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
247.9	37.5%
May 4, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
247.3	35%
May 18, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
250	35.7%

So, to say the least, I'm dissapointed. I *really* don't see how it can be like that. I really don't understand it. Chase saw how dissapointed I was so she brought me to this lady in the health promotion area, who referred me over to the dietician. Since she referred me I can see the dietician and Tricare approves it, I guess. The thought of a dietician sort of upsets me. I watch what I've eaten lately a lot. I haven't eaten Mcdonald's for over a *month* and once in a while will eat at pizza hut or wendy's (I think I've had pizza hut twice and Wendy's twice since Aldon's been back which isn't a lot considering he's been back for roughly a month and a week). It just makes me feel like a lost cause, and I really hate the thought of having to worry about what I eat so much. Well, the dietician called this morning and we scheduled an appointment for Tuesday, the 25th, at 2:30 pm.



Two days ago, the 19th, I had my OBGYN appointment. It went alright, Aldon came with. She asked me what I wanted done... and I told her that I needed a pap smear and to talk about infertility. She said it was two different appointments and asked me what was more important to me. I told her my infertility problem was the most important. So we talked about it. She asked me what I was on and how I took everything. I didn't know what milligrams I took of my pills so I have to get back to her on that next appointment. She told me that since I was on Clomid, some doctor should've been monitoring me. She said it's good to take clomid, but you need someone to check if you're ovulating or not to know if you need to higher the dose or change it. I understood and agreed that's true. So she's going to have me go in for those appointments at certains times in my cycle.



The main thing she talked about was my tubes. She mentioned she needs to see if my fallipion tubes are blocked (hystersalpinography). To do that they inject a dye into my uterus and xray it. So she made up a plan for me:



Since my period was May 12th if I was normal I'd be getting a period June 8th. If I haven't had my period June 8th I get tested to see if I'm pregnant, if I'm not I start medroxy to start my period. Two to three days after my period's ended I go in for the dye test. If that's the case knowing my schedule... June 8th start pills for five days, 4 days after pills are done.. have period start 16th I'm sure. She doesn't want me on clomid in June though which sort of sucks, but I'm willing to listen to her. She is a specialist, afterall ;o) So we have an appointment on June 8th to follow through everything.



I'll update more on what's going on when it goes further into it. I'm sort of scared about the dye test. I asked if it would hurt and she said little cramps. But I was thinking if someone is used to those cramps they could be considered little to them, but since I'm not used to cramps it could hurt me a lot. I'm also scared since Jolene's had it done and told me she hurled after it. I'm sort of hesitant on it. I know I need to do it... I'm just afraid. I told Aldon he *has* to come with. Obviously I'm not going to be in any position to drive after that test! The things women go through to get pregnant. All worth it though in the end.



The doctor during the end of the conversation started saying "this is coming to you, as a doctor..." and before she said anything I told her... "my weight" and she nodded. I knew beforehand she'd say something about it and I mentioned to her I have a fitness trainer working with me, I've been working out two months so far, and I had a dietician appointment/refferal. She was glad that I was doing something about it. I know my weight is a problem... and I wish it wasn't either. I am trying.



Well, that's the long update. I'm thinking about creating my own weight loss blog too. I figured it could be interesting. It would take a while to do so we'll see about it. Sometime later, probably. Take care.

I really enjoy the way my journal looks now. Blogger has made some new designs and I really enjoy this one! Makes it look so good.



Well, Alisha and I were gaining a little weight each week we were weighed. So on our two week point, Tuesday the 4th, Chase made an appointment to check our weight and body fat to see if she needed to add to our workout if body fat hadn't lowered. Well, in the two weeks time I lost 2.5% of my body fat which is good. So now I'm at 35%. Next week on Tuesday she'll weigh us and check body fat again. She will be changing our schedules around too. I don't know what she'll add or change. Alisha talked to her about how to lose tricep fat and she said weights, so she is saying since she's not giving us weights she'll start us back on them. I enjoyed weights. It'll be good to add them back into our routine.



Right now I'm menstrauting. I just started today which is right on time, since I took my pills to start it. It'd be nice someday to naturally get my period instead of these "fake" periods. Maybe it's asking too much, but I wish my body was normal. May 19th I go to the obgyn for a pap and to talk about infertility. Chances are she'll be sending me to a specialist in Jacksonville Florida since I've been trying to get pregnant for a year and seven months. Makes me feel somehow inadequate when others I've known seem to get pregnant in a heartbeat. I guess some people are just meant to wait. I know it'll happen soon and I'm glad for it. Blessings take their time.

Yesterday was Alisha and my appointment for weight and body fat check up. Our month report! Unfortunetely as it goes, I gained a few pounds since a week ago. I had a feeling I did. I really believe the weight it said last week was wrong anyhow.



Here's the report:

March 23, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
254.3	41.2%
April 20, 2004 Results
Weight	Body Fat
247.9	37.5%

So in a month I officially lost 6.4 pounds and 3.7% body fat! I was upset about the weight but I am okay with it because I did good on body fat. I felt like sharing, also, the other figures of body fat.



March 23, 2004: Tricep Skinfold 32.2%

Suprallium skinfold (side) 49.1%

Thigh Skinfold 50.8%



April 20, 2004: Tricep Skinfold 26.7%

Suprallium Skinfold 37.5%

Thigh Skinfold 50.3%





Chase also remade our schedules. She took of weight training and put in some of her classes. She said first month she wanted us developing muscle and now since we have muscle fat burns quicker, so now we need cardio! Here's my schedule:

Day	Workout	Minutes	Extra Workout	Minutes
Monday	Max Express	30 minute class
Tuesday	Yoga	60 minute class
Wednesday	Max Express	30 minute class
Thursday	Ab class	30 minute class	Eliptical	30 minutes
Friday	Eliptical	30 minutes
Saturday	Eliptical	30 minutes
Sunday	Day Off	Day off

With eliptical she wants me doing level 5 or 6 and the last ten minutes in reverse. Encore express is what she referred to as ab class, it's a combination of abs & back. Max express is a class that involves step and kickboxing together. I already took max express today and was exhausted! It was one tough cookie of a class! I know it'll take me a while to do it well. I kept having to stop to take a breath and drink (next time I am bringing a 1 liter bottle of water!) I got to get myself credit though, since Aldon had the car today I biked there and back (15 minutes, 2.1 miles each way). That made it more of a challenge.



I asked Chase today... what could I expect to lose body fat wise this month. She said it varies. I asked her could I expect the same results as last month though and she said I could. So my goal to lose this month is: 6 pounds and 3% body fat. I like giving myself goals. I don't expect to be under 240 (like my last post said goalwise) until a month and a half from now, but it's just a realistic stepping point. Like "accomplish under this weight, then ten pounds less, then ten pounds less," etc. But I'm satisfied that I'm at this point so far. 3.7% body fat is something to really be proud of. And I am.

If you haven't already done so, read Tuesday, April 13, 2004 because this is sort of an addition. Plus it helps you keep up if you read if from the start.



Well, Aldon is home so TTC begins! I'm glad to have him back, I missed him a lot. He was gone... 71 days this patrol. It might not *seem* like a long time but it *feels* like a long time when he is gone.



Unfortunetely, today Aldon is working. He had to be there by 6:45 am and he's got duty.. which means he could be gone anywhere til 6 tonight to 6 in the morning tomorrow. I hate days like that. Then I believe he may have a few days off, I'm not sure though.



Since we only have *one* car and he has it, I had to bike to the gym. It was sort of refreshing. 2.1 miles in 15 minutes to get there... then 30 minutes eliptical (strider)... then another 2.1 miles in 15 minutes bike back home. I chose the wrong time of day to go though. I went at 2 pm, which means it's one of the hottest points of the day. And it *was* hot. But it was good for me to get out, bike and sweat. I should bike more. I love biking. Back home when I was in High School one summer... I biked about 6 miles a day just to go to a friends house then come home (since I didn't have a car). I lost 20 pounds that Summer doing that alone. Unfortunetely, I gained it all back once Summer was done.



I think it is was a good idea that I biked. Since Aldon came home yesterday I missed step & tone and in my opinion that 30 minutes bike ride made up for apart of it. And if I do it twice a week that'll be great!



Well, in continuation with Tuesday, April 13, 2004, I forgot to mention Alisha and I have an appointment Tuesday, April 20th at 1 pm with Chase. She's going to be upping our workout (I lost an average of 3.3 pounds per week for three weeks and she wants to up my workouts?!) She's also going to weigh us and check our BMI. Remember, last time I was 41.2% bodyfat. Let's hope a month shows some progress. I'm hoping for atleast 0.5% bodyfat reduction but that's pushing it. I'll give you an update. I have a feeling though this week I won't be losing my 3.3 pounds but we'll see on weight day! Wish me luck.

I realize it's been roughly two weeks since I've posted last. Well, what is there to say? Today has been an alright day. Today Alisha and I went to yoga which is always a relief. Last week there was no classes Monday to Friday because it was Spring Break and they assumed there'd be less participants since the majority would be at home watching their children. So we didn't have yoga or step and tone last week which really was a bummer.



Since there was no classes last week, our Fitness Trainer, Chase, was gone by 2 pm or so. That meant I missed out on getting weighed. But we got weighed today! And the results... are wonderful. In 3 weeks time I've lost a total of...



9.9 pounds!



I am psyched about it too. That's amazing to have lost that many pounds in so little time. Amazing what working out does for you ::big smile::



23 March I was 254.3

30 March I was 250.1



Today I was 244.4! Wonderful. I've been setting myself goals, realistic goals. First one was... to get under 250 pounds. Goal met. Next goal is to get under 240 pounds. Goal is in progress. It will be exciting for me to be under 240 pounds considering I haven't been under it for quite some time. It's somewhat astonishing but feels so good. I feel great. So all in all, it's been excellent. I realize my weight is coming off considerbally quick. I know I won't always be as lucky to have lost this much, but it feels good and I'll appreciate what I get. Each pound lost is one pound closer to being healthier.

Well, yesterday was yoga again! It was actually pretty nice. Still some moves I cannot do but it's all good. After yoga I felt really giddy. Guess it did me well. Well, we also got weighed in again because we wanted to. I wanted to see if I did lose weight since my scale was saying less. And the news is...



I weighed in at 250.1!!! I was 254.3 last time so in one week I lost 4.2 pounds. I don't know how either since I ate a lot of fatty foods but some healthy this week. I was happy though :o) Amazing to me that in 1 1/2 months of working out I lost only 5 pounds and in a week I lost 4 pounds.



Unfortunetely my weight is back today. But fortunetely, it's for a good reason. I have my period. I had to take my medroxy progresterone to start it again. I started my pills the 23rd... my last pill was taken the 27th and got it today. Which means 4 days after I stopped pills it started (which is normal for me).



So, all is well. I'm pretty satisfied right now. There should be about two weeks left until Aldon comes home so I have a long list of things to do. Todays goal is to accomplish completely cleaning the living room. :o) Take care everyone.



BTW, if someone came here through a link... and you want to get back to my site please click here: Wallace's Webpage

I know I haven't posted anything lately but there hasn't been really much to say. I'm still working out often. 7 days ago I started yoga with Alisha.. let me tell you that was a challenge! Our instructor is named Chase. 5 days ago Alisha and I went to step & tone. Normally it's taught by another instructor but it was taught by Chase while the other lady was gone. She said she'd be beginners level for us... but no she wasn't! She was rather confusing. So I spent the day after sore and the day after that even more in pain. But now I feel good. So Yoga are Tuesdays and Step & Tone Thursdays.



Well... since I've started working out I've lost 5 pounds. 5 pounds on my scale that is. Alisha and I had an appointment with Chase before yoga class today. She made us "prescriptions" as she calls them. She made us each a schedule of things to do workout wise. My schedule is:



Mondays: Eliptical (aka Strider) 30 minutes and 2 sets each on the life circuit (weight) machines

Tuesdays: Yoga for the hour

Wednesdays: Eliptical 30 minutes

Thursdays: Step and tone for the hour

Friday: Eliptical for 30 minutes

Saturday: Eliptical for 30 minutes and 2 sets each on the life circuit machines

Sundays: Day off



It's rather not much IMO. Because I've kind of been doing more. So I think I may up it a little. Like maybe eliptical for 45 minutes. She said if I go on there 60 minutes to make the level higher, which I will do anyway. Chase said about doing body fat and weighing. She said we'd do it three weeks from now at our next appointment, but Alisha and I agreed we don't care what results we found out. I said it was better knowing right now and then in three weeks seeing what it is, to see what progress we made. So Chase mentioned she does like doing it right then but didn't know how we'd feel. So Alisha got on the machine first. She found out she's 5 pounds lighter on that weigher then she was on the one she normally uses. She's 175.5 pounds. Last time I weighed that little (little compared to what I am now) was about 4 years ago! She's 38.5% body fat.



Me... honestly, I weighed 254.3 on her machine. I normally weigh myself in the mornings. My machine stated 250 this morning! Roar. LOL. My body fat... 41.2%. Amazingly my tricep has the least fat... then my side tummy... then the thigh. Yuck. My tricep is 32.2, my side tummy is 49.1, and my thigh is 50.8%!! So... in three weeks from today we'll be checked up on again. Hopefully by then I see some progress. 3 weeks from now Aldon should be home too ::smiles::



That's my update.

Well, well, not much is happening here. I've been working out. I've taken it a little lighter lately because of feeling bad. But I've been working out. I talked to my mom about it... I told her I wasn't losing any weight. I told her I decided I would start weight lifting because weight lifting equals muscles and muscles make fat burn quicker. Mom told me my brother was having the same problem until he started weight lifting. My brother is 350 pounds (last I heard before he started losing weight). Our family is obese! But we're all getting down to business.



It's been 22 days since I've gotten a letter from Aldon. I was grateful for a call yesterday from my phone tree lady. She told me there's a mail drop which means good for us. Because it means the boys will get mail from us and we'll get mail from them! So that's in a week or so I'll hear from him still. It's amazing how long he's already been gone. I still am not used to it.



That's pretty much it. I've started doing more cleaning up and projects but it'll be a while. That's all I really can do here alone.

I'd like to say much is happening, but it hasn't been like that really. Let's see... I started taking medroxy progesterone on February 8th to start my period. Finished the pills on the 12th. Normally I get my period 4 days after I finished the dose, so I thought I'd be getting it the 16th. I didn't get it until... the 18th. This period, however, was rather crapped up. It was beyond light. Really light... and really off. Which made it a horrible period. But I'll deal with it.



The 19th.. I had an appointment with my PCM (primary care manager). I made it three days prior. I made a few other calls that day too. I made one to my insurance because I wanted a referrel to an OBGYN (reason I had to go to my PCM). Found out I need to know who to go to as an OBGYN because if they did a referrel without a name, insurance would chose an OBGYN for me. So I called up two... the two gals in this area. One's wait was for August.. the other for end of April. So I went ahead and scheduled one for April 28th.



So, yes, I had the appointment with the PCM. Found out they do Pap smears there (did not know that) and that she can prescribe me the certain pills I needed (didn't know that either). Those were the main reasons for me wanting to go to the OBGYN. So she prescribed me Medroxy progesterone, Metformine and clomid. 6 months worth. I asked her if I should go to the OBGYN then because it seemed rather worthless then. She said a few things...



A) they might send me back to the PCM... because of my weight

B) they might refer me to Jacksonville's specialist, since I've been trying for 16 months now to get pregnant

C) I should go anyways to get a pap done.. since my last one was april 30th I'll be due for my yearly when I go there on the 28th of April



She also mentioned too... she says my weight is the reason my periods are like this. Although, I don't think that's necessarily true. She's like, "have you always been a heavy girl?" Well, yeah.. and I've have whacked periods my whole life. But they're sometimes normal. Or were. Before I went on BC then got off. So I really don't think it's entirely true. She also mentioned.. PCOS. Yes, I have PCOS (duh). She was talking to me about my other doctor.. how I wanted the other one to refer me to get an ultrasound to see if I have cysts. But never got to get an appointment since I moved. The lady was like, "Well, you have all the symptoms of PCOS... that's why someone, like me, wouldn't do an ultrasound. You see?" Makes sense... because have the symptoms.. just makes common sense.



So, future appointment... OBGYN for pap smear on the 28th of April.. we'll see if I get referred to a specialist, or not.



Update on workout: I've been alternating between walking and using this strider, normally 60 minutes each days but lately I haven't felt too good so I've done it sometimes a little less. I am gonna start doing a little weight lifting of these 10 pound dumbells for my arms. Just build up some muscle. I kind of am not too courageous to use the gym's weight equipment quite yet. Too many males. Too much testosterone. LOL. But I figure weight lifting a little for my arms at home would be good.



And, by the way, weight loss total.. nill. I've been doing and not having any weight loss. I had lost 2 pounds a week and three days ago, but ever since my period, I gained it back. But it's okay. If I build muscle it will help my metabolism speed up and fat loss go up. We'll take it day by day. Atleast I'm working out.



I believe that is all. Everyone have a good day, night, or whenever. Bye!



Oh yeah, did anyone else know it's not called an OBGYN if you're not pregnant? Yeah, weird, huh? Because I said I made an appointment with an OBGYN and the ladies at the desk were like, "aww, you're pregnant?" I was like, "no, trying to get pregnant. Hence why I'm going to one." Then they told me that they're not called OBGYN's then.. they're called something else. Can't remember what. They're still OBGYN's to me though. Always been called that. Whatever.

Nothing much to say lately. I've been keeping myself on track working out. Like I said earlier, I'm taking it easy and not doing the schedule yet. I think I'm going to hold off on that a lot longer too. Maybe another week. I've been doing good. I'm not pushing myself that *hard* but my body is warning me to do a little less. So, today, I slowed down. I did it for like 5 minutes less and a lot slower. I think today would've been my "break" day anyhow. So it's good. I give myself credit for not losing sight and keep going. Most people don't last thing long continually. Myself included. I usually never continue this much, but it's good I do. It helps blow off steam too.



Well, I got a letter from Aldon a little bit ago. I think maybe 4 days ago. However, no Emails from him. It's sort of depressing. I guess they're supposed to go to Alert for 20 days sometime. Rumor is, they are on it. Alert means to us: no emails from us to them or from them to us and no letters from them to us and vice versa. It really makes things a bit harder.



That's what is going on lately. I wish all is well for those who read my posts. Keep in touch.

Just felt like saying to answer Jen's question... yes, I am still going with baby looney tunes ::smiles:: I've loved it ever since I saw the things they have. I realize my friend Jenn Bastible had the idea, but, sadly, at her baby shower I was the only one who gave her anything Baby Looney Tunes. And, since she was in base housing she couldn't decorate the baby room how she'd want it.



However, Aldon & I will be getting a house when I get pregnant. And then I can decorate how I'd like it. I have so much ideas it makes me smile. It's a project I know I'd get done, as it's something I yearn to do. And I'm having help finding items!! Since internet lacks seems to lack a lot of baby looney tunes items it's good to have the help. I appreciate Jolene (::smiles::) who is doing soooo much to make my dream a reality! I love you!! It's so great.



I figured I'd also mention... I worked out last night (around 8 pm) and badly enough, I've been up all night. That's just my schedule. So I worked out around 9 AM this morning!! Yesterday I did 40 minutes walking then 5 minutes cooldown, and this morning I did 45 minutes walking then 5 minutes cooldown (at 0.1 mph more). This morning my heart rate stayed about 10 beats per minute less then it was yesterday which was GREAT. I'm getting to the point where I can do more. I had help though. I was distracted watching "A baby story" on TLC at the gym. It just made me want to go to tears. I'm so emotional when I hear baby stories!



I'm going to be trying to stay up today to get a good night's sleep. We'll see how that goes. I'm going to clean the house up.. I'm starting with the kitchen. I think I'm gonna turn the AC on while I'm at it. I'm hot!! Take care everyone.

I know I'm horrible, but I've slacked off. However, for good reasons. Aldon came back home. Their submarine left Friday and was back on Saturday. Things on there weren't going right. So he was home with me, somewhat. He still had duty days, which meant I didn't see him for a period of 36 hours at one time. And he also had normal days. More then likely, the last time I will of seen him was Tuesday night (yesterday). That is, unless things continue to go wrong. I highly doubt it though.



It's amazing.. I'm not even pregnant but I know my perefect nursery. I know what I want my theme to be, how to decorate it and what to decorate it with. I know everything and *want* to make it happen. If I had my own home and the money I guarantee I'd already be in the process of it. Pregnant or not, it doesn't matter. I *know* for a fact what I want to do. I just have to work on my color scheme and a few other things, but other then that I've got it in my memory where it will be stored for a while. Until we get a house, I can't make my dream a reality. But when I do, I will be posting a ton of pictures of my process. I've always wanted to decorate and a nursery will be the best way. I can't wait.



Take care everyone. I hope you like my change of how the journal looks.



Update: Man, at 7:30 PM I went exercising today. I pushed myself. Not too much of a push.. but 5 more minutes and for the whole time I was working out at .5 miles per hour higher then I was doing before. I've decided I like that better. I feel like I'm doing more then I was before. I sped it up for like 30 seconds and was running. Sphew! Someday I *will* be able to run.. and the day that happens I'll shout in happiness. I've *never* been able to run. Not for longer then 30 seconds pretty much. Yeah. It'll happen soon.

I decided that I should take exercising easy at first, just to get in the swing of things. So, I thought I should start a week of only walking on the treadmill for 30-35 minutes. So I've started that. I did it one time earlier, but with Aldon being around then we would do other things. I missed two days of it because of him. So, officially, I started yesterday. Which means I have 6 days including today left of light working out. I am going really slow on the treadmill, but I'm fine by it. I don't want to push my limits, plus I have to be careful with my exercising induced asthma. It really bites big.



Hopefully by next week I'll be able to work out faster. I'm pretty sure I will be able to. So, wish me luck. This week the easy stuff, next week a little bit harder.



I also decided I might start taking classes later on. They're $2.50 per class or $24 for 13 classes. They have spinning, step & tone, power training, strictly abs, and kick boxing. I think it'd be neat to do some of them. Perhaps in two weeks to three weeks, because in one week I'll have gone pass the small stuff. But for the second week, just a little more pushing. And three weeks it will increase more. So I think after three weeks I'll put more consideration into it. It sounds good, so I'll give you an update then on my choice.



I, honestly, haven't been to the obgyn lately. Ever since South Carolina. The last doctor was frustrating to me. But, this time, I'm gonna ask for what I want. I can't remember when my last appointment was for sure.. let me see... May '03 before I left there was my last appointment. So I'll go through my new PCM to get referred over to a new obgyn. Even though OBGYN is once a year, since I haven't gotten my periods right it'll be easy to be referred over. The only problem is I have to see if all my gynelogical stuff will be covered.



And this isn't related to pregnancy but I'm frustrated ::frowns:: I got to go to the dentist. I need to find one and schedule a cleaning and have them look at my gums. They hurt so bad! Atleast right now they do and I don't know why. I can see a little section inflammed and all. So I'll be scheduling an appointment for a dentist. What one, I do not know. I'll check who is on Tricare's list of accepted people and hope I can schedule an appointment ASAP. (Do you realize how hard it is to find people who accept Tricare here?? You think a lot would because there's so much Navy around. But Tricare is cheap and all, so I understand why they don't accept it... which, btw, makes me have a choice of two or three people for OBGYNs unless I want to go on base which is a NO!)

I decided to check out my weight a few minutes ago and really was disappointed. My sluggish metabolism must be going slower then snail paced because I gained weight very unexpectedly. Gratefully, it isn't showing. Now is the time I start what is needed. I decided it'd be beneficial to make a schedule to stick to. As long as I stick to it at some sort I'll be good. That means no slugging off. If I miss the gym I'll use my Tony gazelle for the 35-60 minutes I missed. I've got to start now. Here's my not written in stone schedule for myself:

Workout Schedule

Day	Exercise	Minutes	Extra Exercise	Minutes
Monday	Treadmill	35-60 minutes	Tony Gazelle	30
Tuesday	Strider	35-60 minutes	Weight Lifting	No set time
Wednesday	Bicycle (gym one)	35-60 minutes	None	N/A
Thursday	Treadmill	35-60 minutes	Weight Lifting	No set time
Friday	Strider	35-60 minutes	None	N/A
Saturday	Biking	35-60 minutes	Weight lifting	No set time
Sunday	Walk	No requirement	None	N/A

What do you think? I figure it is good to set some kind of start of what I need to do. Doesn't mean I won't take a stroll or bike now and then, I just figured this is what I continue to work on. I don't expect immediate results (it'd be foolish if I did), but I know losing weight will help my fertility problems. I believe Aldon leaves soon (goes out for three months on the submarine) so I'll do the Tony gazelle until then. After he comes back from the patrol, we'll need to work out a deal... Like get a second vehicle for me because he works constantly and we only have one vehicle.



It's a start. I'll update on weight loss when I hit the 10 pound weight loss mark from the weight I was before this (because it was lighter).

Welcome to my journal. My name is Krystal Wallace and my husband and I are TTC. We've been trying since October 11th, 2002 (the day I got off BC) but unfortunetely I have fertility problems. So this is my journal for the battle of PCOS, infertility, and obesity in hopes to become a mother someday. I hope you enjoy reading my journal, as I enjoy writing. I love feedback, so if you've gone through the same troubles I'd be glad to hear from you.



I can't say I'll write only about TTC, because there is a lot of information inappropriate to put here. However, I will write as much as I can. Sometimes it may be a thought, someday it may be what's on the adgenda for TTC, and sometimes it might be about tracking my weight loss. For three months I will be trying to get my schedule on track while my husband is gone. He works in the Navy and will be on a submarine for those three months, so during that time I'll be taking necessary pills to try to get regular and lose weight before he comes back. So, as it goes, for three months there will be no TTC which is unfortunate. During those three months, though, I will have our vehicle which is nice considering we have only that one. I will make it a plan to also visit the gym on base and workout 30-45 minutes 6 days a week. If I don't make it there, I will use my Tony Little Gazelle at home.



The pills I currently take: Medroxy Progresterone for starting my period, Metformine which is a suggestion one of my doctors earlier suggested... it's a diabetic drug but has worked for people suffering for PCOS, and then clomid which, of course, is a fertility drug. And I'll also be taking centrum which is a multivitamin, which everyone should do while TTC.



FYI (For your information), since we started trying October 11th, 2002 I've had a big problem. Before BC (birth control) I had a horrible period. It was very irregular, sometimes it didn't come for three months at times, but always was a small period (3-5 days). It was never reliable and very hard to track which is why I went on BC. When I got off of it, well, my period stopped. They say it's normal for a person when they get off of it to have an abnormal period because the body is trying to get back to normal. I was an obviously not normal though. My period came October 15th.... I didn't have it again until 9 months later which was July 21st 2003 and that was because I started taking medroxy. Since then, I've taken medroxy everytime to get my period. So, TTC is becoming harder.



I haven't done anything like I've heard others do. Charting their basal (sp?) body temperature and such. I might start doing that to get into the swing of things. We will definetely have to see. I appreciate you reading my journal.