Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The time has come

As much as I hate leaving this blog behind, the time has come to make a new blog. Life after infertility, kind of odd saying that.. isn't it? But infertility will never leave me. I dealt with it 2 1/2 years before we had our first son, then 3 1/2 years before we conceived our second son. Will I be back here? Who knows. I know eventually we'll try for another child, but for now life with our 2 sons is all we need.

It's hard to leave behind a blog you've had for years, but I feel like every one who signed up for my blog was signed up to it due to it being an infertility blog. Is it fair to those struggling to be following a blog that no longer is about infertility? I know some people actually love it, because it means people are being blessed and leaving the infertile life behind them.. but there's always a large portion who it hurts because it's a reminder. A reminder of what a lot of us long for, struggle for, and try so hard to achieve. In no way do I want my blog to be a reminder of someone's pain.

So if you want to follow me, check me out at the link below:
The good stuff


Thursday, September 29, 2011


When I had my son I retired this blog until I started TTC again and was dealing with infertility... I'm not sure if I should do that again. I know it's hard to read people's baby updates sometimes, especially when the blog was meant to be infertility related and that's why it was followed. I have around 35 followers... truthfully not sure how many people read my blog any more or just skip over it. Either way, I still am thinking of those others and wondering if I should start a new blog. Most likely in the future I will. I have another blog I used to post back years ago on, perhaps I'll consider going back to that one if I don't make a new blog. Either way I'll post a link when I do make my decision.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The birth story

I know I'm 3 weeks late, but I've been trying to recuperate from the birth. That and recalling every thing that happened that night is honestly a chore, it was what I'd consider a long (and painful) experience, but worth it all in the end.

On July 27th I had my ob/gyn appointment, I was 3 cm dilated, 50% effaced and still -2 station. She said my cervix was soft and felt it would be a very opportune time to strip my membranes early because Daniel was measuring big the whole pregnancy and she guessed he'd be at least 9 pounds full term. While most measurements are off 1-2 pounds, I felt there was no harm in stripping my membranes. If it started labor then so be it! For the next three days I had a continuous bloody show and lost globs of mucus plug. Sorry for too much information there! I also experienced off and on contractions, but nothing active. I'd say most days I had around 5-10 contractions.

On July 30th my mother came to visit, so she could be there taking care of my oldest son while I was in labor. She arrived around 4 pm that after noon. 5:30 pm I noticed active contractions, happening every 5-10 minutes and a couple hours later they were roughly every 2-6 minutes. Depending on if I was sitting or walking they were not always very consistent. The contractions were not that bad, so I did not mind them but near the end they increased in intensity. Still I was able to laugh through them. My mother joked with me if I thought I was in labor and I responded I probably was, but refused to go to the hospital until I needed to push or my water bag popped.

I kept telling my husband that night he should head to bed because it probably was going to be a long night. At 10:40 pm he decided he would get ready for bed and start brushing his teeth. Around 10:45 I told my mother she needed to get his attention and get him out because my water bag had broke. So it was off to the hospital for us. Every one assumed labor would be so quick so I shouldn't labor at home at that point, since the only thing that seemed to hold me back with my first delivery was that my water bag didn't pop.

The nurses didn't want to check me often because of possible risk of infection, just wanted to play it by ear. Unfortunately the contractions were every 2-3 minutes and very intense. They hurt so badly and I decided around 1 am to go for the epidural. I had always planned to go natural, but I was experiencing so much pain no matter what I did it wouldn't make it better. They decided since I was getting an epidural to check how dilated I was... -2 station and 4cm. I was disappointed to find out I hadn't dilated much. Only 4cm after all I had been through. I cannot remember the exact time I was given the epidural, I think it may have been 1:30 am by that point. They had to do the epidural twice and warned me due to the situation I'd possibly be one of the 1 out of 100 people to get an epidural headache.

Soon after the epidural I noticed I was completely numbed up to my chest, which caused me to feel like I could not breathe. It definitely wasn't a fun situation. They wound up waiting on giving me continuous medicine and told me in 1 1/2 hours that I would start feeling contractions again and then they would see about giving me more. So 1 1/2 hours later (roughly 3 am) I noticed the contractions were in full swing again, quite painful. I had spot numbness, parts of me including my chest were very numb still. So they slowly and cautiously gave me more medicine until I couldn't feel pain again. They also checked me and I was only 5-6 cm by that point and still -2 station. Between this ordeal my blood pressure plummeted to roughly 85/55 so I wound up getting an Epinephrine shot. They took out my catheter because I was feeling so much pressure in my bladder it felt like I needed to pee.

Shortly after there had been some issues with Daniel going into fetal distress so they wound up putting the heart rate monitor internally and when he still showed signs of distress they put the contraction monitor internally as well. Around 5 am I was 6-7 cm and unfortunately he was still showing some signs of distress so I wound up with oxygen and they actually pumped fluids up there to substitute amniotic fluid. After they did that things were much smoother with him and there was no other worries with him.

At 6:30 am I was feeling a ton of pressure both in my bladder and my bowels. They wound up giving me another catheter at this point to hopefully relieve some pressure I was feeling. I was 8 cm by this point and he was roughly 0 station.

Pressure was getting worse by 8 am, to the point my body was actually pushing on it's own and I could not stop it! It was getting very intense so they checked me again. I was still 8 cm dilated, no progress! I felt really defeated by this point. I was trying hard to rest and hope it would be over soon since my body refused to lighten up. After a long 1 1/2 hours, I was checked at 9:30 am. Was finally 10 cm and ready to push! Thank heavens too because by that point I was feeling even more pressure and was having a hard time not pushing on my own.

It didn't take long for my ob/gyn to arrive in my room and quickly I was pushing. It was rough and they had me push really hard back to back. 15 minutes or so of pushing Daniel made his entrance into the world!! July 31st (39w3d) at 9:54 am. He was 9 pounds even, 22 inches long. Average sized heads of newborns are 35cm and his was 37cm! His apgar score was 8,9.

Truthfully my recovery has been a long one. Since I want to keep this as his birth story, I will post it later!


Thursday, August 11, 2011


Name: Daniel Robert W.
Birth date: July 31st, 2011
Time: 9:54 am
Weight: 9 pounds
Height: 22 inches

Birth Story to eventually follow... once I can recall all the activity of that night, and after I catch up on enough sleep to focus longer! You gals who have had children and are blogging weekly amaze me!


Friday, May 20, 2011

29 weeks update

It's been quite some time since I've been here. Truthfully part of it is because I feel a little guilty posting updates here when there's so many people struggling to conceive. I get how hard it is to see my blog posts at the same time, I've been in others shoes. On the other side I get hurt because I cannot mention anything without feeling bad. I actually was hurt when someone on twitter announced the pregnancy updates from every one was overwhelming and they would be no longer following them. I was one of those people who was unfollowed. It made me feel like when you get pregnancy you no longer need the support you did when you were infertile. Can I consider myself fertile? Well, no... I struggled with my 5 year old son 2 1/2 years and one miscarriage to conceive. This one I struggled 3 1/2 years and 2 more miscarriages.

Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I haven't needed support. Every one who has been in my shoes or any one else's knows it's hard to not worry for the baby growing inside you. It's hard. I wish infertility and pregnancy loss never had to exist. I wish it was a ton easier on every one.. but then perhaps there would be less people out there who appreciated what the gift they were receiving.

Any way... an update:

How Far Along: 29 weeks

How Big is The Baby: At our 26 1/2 week ultrasound he actually was roughly 2 1/2 pounds already. So I'm guessing roughly 3 pounds+ now? My fundal measurement was 34 cm!! And no, the big baby isn't a result of GD (I passed!!)

Total Weight Gain: I believe I hit 15 pounds now.

Maternity Clothes: Definitely, caved in and bought more last week. Got some shorts and capris!!

Sleep: Decent. I mean I still wake up in the night a lot, but I'm sleeping even if I don't feel like I get enough.


Movement: A ton of movement. He's all over the place!! DH finds it funny - he'll stick his ear on my belly and it's like ESP because a few seconds later the baby locates him and hits/kicks his ear.

Food Cravings: Sweets mainly. Chinese food too. If only I got my way!!

What I Miss: I kind of miss not having to be so picky on what I eat, since the nausea hasn't gone away at all.

What I'm looking forward to: Getting the baby room cleaned out hopefully soon!! It's still being used to make the 2nd DVD holder he's working on!!

Milestones: It was a great milestone when we hit viability. Now it's great to be officially in the 3rd trimester.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, food aversions, nausea. Same deal, different day :) Oh we added acid reflux to the list as well. Back and hip pain (since about 14 weeks) as well.

If any one wants to have a guess on baby stats, I have a page up for fun:


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm a failure

I thought I'd do better with ICLW and commenting on others blogs, but I just couldn't keep up. This weekend has been busy, we tried getting some of the front grass removed. Didn't do as much as I hoped for , but we keep getting rained and trust me rain makes dirt/grass much heavier and harder to deal with. I'm hoping next weekend looks nicer, but the weather report says it'll be rain like normal. That's what we get for living in Washington, isn't it?

Otherwise it's been trying to do household things. We have so much to accomplish. It didn't help that my husband accidentally cut his thumb on the router two days ago. No hospital visit, but he sure mauled his finger nicely. Found out pregnancy and mauled finger makes me a little faint and squeamish, go figure.

The last few days I've felt horrible. I think I need to work on a few things this pregnancy, both eating better and drinking more water to start. I'm starting to get dizzy and faint feeling more often and it's made it harder for me to function. It's definitely made things a challenge, that's for sure. Hard to be in the mood to do much of anything when you feel like crap. I'm still trying to push past it, get things done... but I'm definitely slower then I wish I was.

As for the baby room? As you can imagine no update there. I have to start buying a few things soon as well! Lots of items to get since I got rid of majority since it seemed like I wasn't ever going to need to use them. Thankfully we have our dresser and crib left over. Too bad that's not all we need! It'll get done, that's for sure. I'm only 21 weeks so we still have time.

I hope every one is doing well!


Thursday, March 24, 2011

The never ending to-do list

You got to love to-do lists, right? Normally the to-do list sucks when you look at it, but more and more as it gets accomplished it feels so good. But what if it seems to be never ending? That feels like our story lately. As you can imagine it makes it hard to get done.

Currently our future son's nursery room is our computer room. We've managed to fill the room full of things (3 computers & desks, DH's tools and my crafts) so that in itself is a lot of stuff to move. We were going to stick the computers in our "exercise room" so as you can imagine we have a nice little shuffle that needs to happen. Currently my husband has been using his hands and working on a building a big CD holder so when we shift to the other room we have a place to put CD's on a wall, away from any child's reach. It'll be nice, but my husband works from 2 pm-11 pm so there's not much time to get it done unless it's a weekend.

I wish I could say that is it! It's Spring time and we planned to do some landscaping work - tear up the grass in the front yard, lay down fabric and bark so we no longer have to deal with the frustrations of mowing up there. Wanted things to be a little less maintenance as you can imagine. We also need to start planting our seeds for peas, carrots, cantaloupe, etc. I could do *some* it on my own, but lately I'm still fighting to have the energy necessary to get things done. Doesn't mean I won't be trying to get some work done today though! It will be good for me to get out, it's a beautiful sunny day outside (Mid-50's so not too hot) and I know Andrew would love to get out as well since today is his day off of school. Get in some natural vitamin D.

And of course Spring brings out Spring cleaning! Every year I donate items to Goodwill however I still feel like we have too much in our house. I'm pretty certain our junk is reproducing!! So that's on the list of things to do - I already have 2 donation piles and that will get bigger here soon.

What's on your to-do list lately, or have you already gotten yours accomplished?