When you *look* at it like that

Miss Pregnant Alisha Says: "You're getting thin while I'm getting fat."



Hee hee, yep. There's atleast *something* to look forward too. Still I'd like to have a child. Pregnancy test in 2 hours! I'll update when I get the results, or complain if they never call me back. LOL.



Update 3 Pm: I'm back. I'm a little dissapointed. Not because the test said negative, since I knew it would be, but dissapointed in my doctor. Well, she doesn't want me on clomid while Aldon is gone. So, no clomid for me. What she wants me to do right now is:



Start provera to induce period

On day 28th of cycle check for pregnancy (this time), then if not, start provera again

On next 28th day start provera (if I don't get my period on my own)



She says we're just aiming to get my period between 28-32 days apart then start clomid, *once* Aldon is home. So I'll be on clomid again.. just when Aldon gets back. Personally it sucks because I want a normal ovulation *before* he gets home. I was about to cry. You know what she tells me? "You're 20 years old, don't rush things". Don't rush things? I can't have my period on my own, I can't ovulate, and I've been trying 22 unsuccessful months TTC! I understand I am young... but, c'mon I want my body to function right at the *least*.



So, when we start clomid up again, if I can't ovulate on 100 mg for the three months he's back she wants to refer me to a Endocrinologist, named Dr. Winslow. She says most likely it'll be either to raise clomid up, or put me on pergonal. Since Clomid is the milder fertility drug. I don't think I want to have pergonal though. I'd like to be able to get pregnant on Clomid.



So, I guess time will see what happens. She wants me to measure my basal body temperature. I guess that'll show if I am ovulating or not. Fun. I used to have problems remembering to take BCP each day, now I have to remember to take my temp the moment I wake. :long sigh: We'll see what happens. I don't really want to go to an endocrinologist.

Off topic, but true

My horoscope is really appropriate today so I felt like sharing:



The Moon in Capricorn is forming an earthy Grand Trine with the Sun, Mercury, Mars and the North Node -- the point of the future of your soul. This laundry list of planets means two things. You know how many things are working in your favor now -- and, as unfashionable as it is, you are ready to jump in and do the work required to get things rolling once again.



It applies mostly to my weightloss, because now I realize what I have to do to get to my goal and am getting there. I've lost 6.2 pounds in two weeks. I'm happy for that :o) And, Jolene, I don't know if you realize I have a weightloss journal. Click on the links to the weightloss site on the right of the screen ;o)



Anywho, tomorrow we test for pregnancy. I've prepared for a negative result. Even though I know it will be negative, just when she says it it brings it to life. It still hurts, no matter how someone is ready for the bad results. But I'll be okay. I look at it this way... Aldon will be gone almost three months, I could lose up to 20 pounds in those three months, and then I'd be healthier. I may still not be healthy, but the chance will go up for getting pregnant. I can look forward to that. I just am hoping for some luck. If not, maybe I can reach my goal weight in a year ;o) Well, I'll update when I get the results and when her and I talk about what to do next. I *don't* want to stop clomid. To me, if I stop then start again, won't that be like having to start at day 1 all over again? I don't want that, I want to be normal (atleast better then I am now) when Aldon gets back.

Finally

Today at 8 AM my doctor finally called me back! She was sorry because she woke me up. I didn't tell her she did, but I know she knew since I sounded so exhausted. She asked me what it is I needed to talk about, if I could remember (since it was early). LOL. So we talked about maybe testing ovulation a little too early or a little too late, etc. I told her it's day 33 of my cycle today and told her no period is on it's way. She said for me to come in for a pregnancy test (she'll do blood because I asked) on Thursday at 1 pm. I guess she can send them to the hospital and get the results the same day. I'm not confident that I'm pregnant - in fact - I know I'm not. That's where the conversation about testing too early and too late came in, she thinks I may've ovulated but we caught it the wrong time. So she wants to see. I still don't see the purpose.. all I'm gonna hear is the results were negative. While I'm there, though, I'll ask about getting my prescriptions written since I have none.



I told her Aldon would be leaving soon for the patrol. She mentioned about stopping clomid.. I told her I'd like to have my schedule fixed for when he comes home again. So I don't know if she'll be wanting to stop them or not. I guess we'll wait and talk to her Thursday about it. I'll update when I know what will be going on.

*still* waiting/update: bad news, again

It's been a *week* and I'm still waiting for my ovulation results. I called on Thursday and talked to the nurse. She said my Obgyn was out of town for a while and was back, trying to catch up on things. I asked her, "well, when will I get a call from her with my results?" She said, "Probably tomorrow." Probably tomorrow, my butt! I didn't get called in the 4 hours they were open on Friday and am still waiting for the results. It's day *26* of my cycle here and I still don't know the results. I need to know them, then talk to her about what we'll be doing this month. I have to also get more clomid since I'm out of it too. I think I'll call the office soon and see if I can get the results. Plus, I need to call tricare (my insurance) to see when my refferel there expires. Today I was supposed to have an appointment with my PCM but I had to cancel, since it is suppposed to be at 2:30 but Aldon has the car!



I'll update once I find out more.



Updated 11:22 am: 20 minutes after I posted the post, I found out a few things. First, I called Tricare, my referrel expires 9/30 so I still have time to see her. I have to make sure to get a PCM "6 month update" appointment before then so she can refer me back. I have a feeling, though, that the ob/gyn will want to have me go to a specialist in Jacksonville. I'm going to see in the phone book if there is *any* person who's more specialized in infertility problems and is in the Saint Marys/Kingsland area. I'm hoping there is, since Jacksonville is a distance away to go each time to.



I called the doctor's office. I talked to the nurse (again), telling her it has been a week since I gotten the test. She told me the doctor was *still* on vacation! Last time it was that she was catching up. WTH. Anyway, she looked up the results. Results: 0.4, same as last month. I'm not ovulating AGAIN. On 100 mg of clomid I cannot even ovulate. I don't know if last month maybe they tested a day late, and this month a day early. All I know is I'm frustrated. Oh, and the test they do? It's a 21-day progresterone level test. The doctor will be back on Wednesday, day 28th of my cycle. I have no clue what she'll want me to do. 150 mg clomid this time? Who knows.



In a way I'm so frustrated I feel like quitting. Just giving up and seeing where that brings me. I know I won't, but it really isn't fun doing this. I have been having cramps, I'm not sure if that's a sign my period is on the way itself or if it's my monthly "hey, here's cramps but you'll still need to take provera to get me" pain. I'm sorry, I'm complaining. I hope everyone has a great day. I'll write more when things happen.

Frustrated/Impatient

Well, on the 10th I got my blood tests done. I called yesterday around 3 because they hadn't called me yet (they were prompt last time). They said that the results weren't in and the doctor would call me when they were. Blah blah blah. Well, they never called me today either! So it's a bit frustrating because they told me it'd be in.



Hopefully tomorrow they'll call me, then I'll mention the results. Otherwise I'm calling them back tomorrow and telling them they should be in. Yes, I'm impatient. I just want to know if the clomid did it's job. And I need to know the next steps.

Later today...

Later today I find out my results forthe ovulation tests. I'm afraid to know what they say. I'm hoping I ovulated, so I have some piece of mind. On 100 mg of clomid I'd better be ovulating. Although, as sad as it sounds, I sort of know this isn't my month (to get pregnant). Just my intuition taking over, but wishful thinking is still there.



In a way I've made up my mind about a few things. I'm going to start working out. If I get pregnant, great! If I don't, atleast I can work towards getting down a few sizes. That's my thinking in a nutshell. I'm trying to repair my emotions and do what's better for me.

Day 16 of cycle and...

Today is day 16 of my cycle (yes, early AM here) and I decided to do an ovulation test stick. The line is there. I'm not ovulating *yet* but it is showing it will be soon. It's light, but noticable. Too bad this isn't a pregnancy test. LOL. I'm worried with it showing up so early. Afraid when I get my blood drawn on the 19th it will be just too late again. Wouldn't that be my luck if it was? I want to be *sure* I'm ovulating. I'd trust blood work more then a test stick.



All I'm hoping is that clomid did it's job this time. I don't know if she'll up my dose again this month if I didn't ovulate or what she'll do. I guess we'll see.