Still waiting to ovulate...

It's been ten days since my last post. You think by then I would have ovulated, right? Right?! I regret to inform you I haven't ovulated. Sadly I'm on CD 20 and barely have the start of EWCM. That means it'll probably be another 5-8 days before I finally see that temperature rise happen.

My expected AF date is on my son's birthday, Valentine's day. That is assuming I ovulate in four days, which I kind of think is doubtful but you never know. My DH said I'd have to test the day after our son's birthday if that is the case - the pee addict in me is thinking 7dpo is a more logical date to test. Companies who created pregnancy tests sure know what they were doing, didn't they? If I had to choose between chocolate and pregnancy tests I'd choose the pregnancy tests. Sad, isn't it? They've become such a big part of my life.

Honestly in some ways I think that's why my DH let me get a better camera... to lessen the stress of TTC and focus more on taking beautiful pictures. Granted the beautiful pictures part hasn't happened 100% but I'm not that great. LOL. I really think it helps me feel less stressed about TTC though, which is a plus. Hopefully it means good news this month.. no matter the outcome of this month I'll be taking photos. Only difference is if I get pregnant when I'm 7-8 months along I'll be doing self timer pictures of me. If only...

Waiting to ovulate is boring

It's CD 10 here and boy do I wish I was "normal"!! I've seen friends on the TTC boards go through waiting to ovulate, to the 2ww, to waiting to ovulate again in the time it usually takes me to get into the 2ww myself. One of these cycles I need to look into anything that can help ovulation occur earlier. I know I should be glad I'm getting my period on my own now and that I am ovulating, but when you finally ovulate 21+ days later it feels like the cycle will never end! Even though when I look at it I'm still healthy - experiencing 35-38 day cycles. I remember when I could count on my period not being here for months. I've come a long way at least!

I know this blog isn't that exciting but it's kind of been dull lately. During this period of time there's no use of OPK's, obviously. The only "excitement" is scant creamy CM which doesn't usually happen early, but since my miscarriage I've never been normal.

I'll be calling to schedule an OB/gyn appointment soon. After discussion my DH and I figured it'd be good to take it to the next step and get a referral to the military hospital in Tacoma for further fertility work and possibly IUI as a next step. I'm still a little nervous on this thought, but I'd at least like us to see if there is other reasons we're having complications.

The Wicked Witch of the West

Every month in an infertile person's life comes the thing we hate most - the wicked witch. The thing we dread getting every month (or more, if you're irregular) and really wish we could do without. Why? Because if we didn't have it it's possible we're pregnant!!

It does remind me of the Wizard of Oz, except I'd be the one asking for a heart, brain, and courage. A heart to not feel jealous of every other pregnant belly I see, a brain to find out what is wrong with my body, and courage to stand strong when those are getting pregnant or having a ton of children before me. Granted I already feel too much pain as it is. Perhaps I should ask for a brick wall to hide my feelings in. Surely the Wizard could grant me that, right?

My wicked witch made her appearance today. It was only 12 dpo which brings me down to a 11 day LP. Not too pleased with that, although I guess it could be worse. I just was really hopeful this would be the month but who was I kidding? If I only had a brain...

I know people want me to feel happy and think I'll get over it in a few days (or weeks). Perhaps they're right.. but right now as the Keith Urban song goes, "Tonight I want to cry."

You know you're a TTC addict...

Make no mistake I'm trying not to poke fun at people who have done this, considering this list is things I have done myself... so if you haven't done these then feel free to laugh at me.

1. Having over 30 pregnancy tests at one point in time. Do you really need 30 tests for the job? Well, you do if you want to test early and keep testing until you either see your BFP or the evil wench shows up each cycle! Even more addicted when they are 3 or more different brands. "Well this one detects 20 HcG, this one is just cheap, and this one will flash a big sign at you saying 'YOU ARE PREGNANT, STOP TESTING!'" Yes... I have done this.


2. You test early - we're talking at 5 dpo. I mean, seriously, what did you expect to see? A blaring positive pregnancy test? Every where you have read says implantation doesn't occur until typically 7-10dpo so what makes you think you'd see it this early on? Oh yeah, those lucky gals on the TTC boards who said they found out that early! I mean do they really know their ovulation date correctly? This addiction also includes eagle eyes - you swear you see lines on them as well! And yes, that would my pregnancy test from today, 5dpo.


3. You inspect your toilet paper every time you wipe. That or check your cervix for signs of spotting. Is there anything you see? Is that spotting - and if so, what color? Red? Light pink? Could it be implantation? Aunt flow? You honestly don't know, but analyzing your toilet paper has become a hobby to you. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if you're only a few days past ovulation... don't worry we won't judge. Secretly we have done the same.

4. You spend hours on the computer looking up symptoms to see if they're related to being pregnancy. Sore breasts? Cramps in the abdomen? Sensitive to smells? Nauseous? Let's face it - the sore breasts are because our husband isn't gentle in the bed, those cramps are our impending period, and we're nauseous because our husband's current choice of recipe is both overpowering and highly upsetting on taste. Or is it the reason...? Too bad we don't have a chocolate computer like this one so if we don't like the answers or have our period we could just take a chunk out of it. (If you want one I found it at Temptations fine chocolates). LOL.

5. You belong to Countdowntopregnancy.com Yes, in addition to looking up symptoms is now you found yourself a home on this website, recording every single thing your body does. This website can make you a little obsessive as every twinge and odd thing in your body they look at like it's pregnancy related! Who knew soreness in your muscles could mean pregnancy, instead of that you just went to the gym. I mean, check this website out - people have recorded 1dpo having a lot of signs and symptoms. If only we knew 1 dpo that we were pregnant! Honestly, I joined up with this site and found it upsetting when I had ALL of their symptoms and wasn't pregnant. But for amusements sake... maybe I should go back...