I know I haven't been here...

It's been quite some time since I have posted. My husband went on the submarine September 30th so there wasn't any TTC for quite some time, but now I'm back. Ever since my miscarriage my cycles have been different each round. This cycle I was on CD 26 before I finally ovulated (normal can be anywhere from CD 20 to CD 25), but I hardly had any EWCM - just one or two days but the rest was creamy. Normally I get 5-7 days of EWCM so this one I worry will be a bust just because the lack of quality CM. I have two temps over cover-line to confirm ovulation but I worry since my temps have been closer to coverline then normal. Infact, my temps haven't been the same since the miscarriage. Moving forward though...

We BD'd quite often this round, considering he just got home in the beginning of December so of course our hormones are a little overkill. It's been fun, however, since we haven't thought 100% of just babymaking but also of just having ourselves pleased with eachother. In time I know pregnancy will come - even though I'm emotional about it all still.

I never did update... about two months after I told my sister-in-law about my miscarriage in an E-mail she E-mailed every one announcing she was 3 months pregnant, which is where I would have been at that time. That has sent me on and off into an emotional down over these past few months. On Christmas my husband called his brother and of course I could tell where the conversation led to... I was depressed to find out they know the gender of their baby now. It made all my emotions come back to surface when I realized they knew their gender - why couldn't I be there, in the same situation.. finding out the gender of my baby instead of waiting to ovulate? It's hard sometimes.

In time the wounds will heal. I guess it's harder when she had two children under 2 and pregnant again and here I am... having an almost 4 year old son I can't seem to bless with a sibling. I'm so grateful every day for the son I have, but I don't want him to grow up wishing he could have a brother or sister to talk to and spend time with.