Ball of jitters

I've been on edge - obviously for a few different reasons. Betas are rising at a good pace, but still low. I know I'll be more comforted when they reach a certain point - I was 438 mIU/mL when they stopped checking my betas last round then miscarried 10 days later so that is the highest # I have seen. So tomorrow I've decided to go in... we're looking for a number of 305 mIU/mL or above to be considered doubling within 2 days. So I've got my fingers crossed. I feel like the pregnancy is going in the right direction. I'm feeling so much different then I did with my miscarriage - more tired, breasts are very very tender, my emotions are higher, and overall feel like this should be a good thing. I'm really praying that God doesn't have a cruel sense of humor - since this little bean is due on our anniversary and I don't think I could handle having a miscarriage and the reminder of what day our child would have been with us. Why has pregnancy caused some of us to lose our innocence? I miss being that oblivious smug pregnant lady who never thought that it could be taken away just as quickly.



I've been feeling like I've been leaking all the time. I keep wiping expecting to see bleeding. Kind of freaky, but I'm realizing it's a combination... I'm just more lubricated down there right now and I'd hate to admit it but my bladder is shot. I cannot let my bladder get too full or I start to leak. Welcome to pregnancy! LOL. Too much information, right? Well let me tell you pregnancy isn't all about glowing and looking radiant. In fact in the first trimester you can expect to run screaming. I look like a mess, my hair hates me, and I'm freakin' tired. Leave me alone! :)



I know once 7 weeks hits I'll feel better about everything.. or until I see that little bean on an ultrasound with the heart beat flickering away. I'm praying so much that this one sticks. From the moment I get that BFP I love that child, they're mine and nothing can take that feeling away. I'm already excited to find a name, to paint the nursery, to buying the essentials... just so thrilled. I know Andrew will make a great big brother (besides his vow to already torment his younger sibling) and we'll feel more complete.