A long-due update

It's been months since I've posted anything to here when I really should have. For a while, though, I wasn't going to be ever needing this journal again... no more "Journal of an infertile". Until something happened. For a brief while I was pregnant. I did an HPT test January 18th and it came out positive. Actually, around 8 came out positive. I was so in shock I couldn't believe what was happening to me.

I found a creative way to tell Aldon. Since I'd be gone all day with a friend Aldon didn't know anything about what I'd found out. I had car paint so on the back window I put "We're Pregnant!" on it. I came inside and told Aldon one of the back tires had a flat. Since it was dark outside he brought a flashlight. He checked the tire then the other one... noticed something was written on the back and put the flashlight up to it. He just froze. Stared at it for atleast 20 seconds. He was soooo happy but couldn't figure what to say. He would be a daddy sometime. How sweet was that?

On the 21st it was confirmed by my Primary Care Manager that I was, indeed, pregnant. Excitement. Nervous. Happy. Scared. Worried something would go wrong. That's every emotion we felt.

Sunday, January 30th, I spotted a little. I didn't think too much about it, but Monday called my ob/gyn to be. They apologized but said they couldn't do anything because I wasn't yet a patient. All I could do is either go to the medical place on base or go to the hospital. Since I was in no pain and not bleeding anymore, I decided to do neither. Tuesday, February 1st, I started what I'd consider a period. The 6th it had ended.

On the 7th I had my first ob/gyn appointment. I told the nurse what had happened so she decided to do a urine test. It came back negative. Since I had drank a lot of water before I went (which online they suggest not to since it can dilute the urine) I demanded a blood test. I got the call the next day... negative. Ever since then I've been full of emotions. Denial. Sadness. A hole in my heart. Aldon has been feeling the same. My mother knows. His mother knows. His dad still doesn't know anything. Aldon is just too emotional. It hurts him to think that he won't be a daddy and hurts more to have to tell everyone he's announced it to. He's also scared because he doesn't know what he needs to do to help me. He doesn't realized he's already doing it just by being there for me. I need him to lean on.

Instead of overeating and getting down about it, I've done the opposite. Wednesday I restarted Weight Watchers online and have been exercising regullary. We're still not sure when to continue TTC but I don't think we'll be waiting too long to try again. I think this new Ob/gyn I was planning to go to for pregnancy I'll go to for infertility. The other doctor was great, but I've overstayed my welcome with her. She said in three months if I didn't get pregnant she'd be sending me to a endo in Jacksonville. That's not something I want right now. So I'll see how this new doctor can help my infertility and go from there. I hope she's better.