Holes in the floor of heaven

I started spotting last Sunday and this morning a gush of blood had us visiting the ER. My baby was still measuring a week behind, but there was no heart beat detected today. I'm letting nature takes it course but so emotional. I'm just spotting again. The emotional pain is overwhelming and I don't know when more physical pain will come. I don't know if or when we'll try again. We lost our second baby last year and we were due in May and to miscarry again in May when we were due on our anniversary hurts me so much. I don't want to do this again... I'm too worried to ever try again because I don't want this again.