Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Sunday, November 7, 2004

An update

Well, I got my period on the 21st of October and by the 24th it was pretty much over with. Nothing much has happened since then. Since Aldon is getting back mid-December, I plan to have an appointment with the gyno sometime this month. Which means I shoud be calling her sometime soon so I can be sure it'd be okay. I also have an annual that I'm getting done on the 15th of this month. I'll have it done by my PCM.

A few things I've realized, am grateful for and want to share my opinion. I *do* realize I'm young. My gyno has pointed that out and my PCM has too. I'm very well aware of the fact that I'm young. But I also have PCOS, and if that's not dealt with when I am young I risk a much greater chance of problems later on. Also, I don't want to wait around until I'm 35 to have children. I want to be young so I have the joys of parenting and am up and able for the challenge. I also want to have a time period when I'm older where I have time to myself (and my husband.) I want to still be "young" when I have that.

I do also know I have mixed feelings. I want a child with all my heart and pray I'm a great parent. At the same time, I'm nervous. Nervous about a few things actually. About birth. About how good I'd be at parenting. And then nervous about... will Aldon still be attracted to me after he sees a kid the size of a watermelon coming out of my ...? Yes, a pathetic question but it's my one insecurity. I want to be the mother, but at the same time I still want to be attractive to my husband. I fear I can't have the best of both worlds. I always wonder how much will a child change things for us. Our feelings. Our views. I'm sure everyone understands how those questions feel. Aldon says for me to not ask what-if, but sometimes you catch yourself doing it. Perhaps it's a way to prepare for a worse.

Well, I'll leave my journal at that for tonight. I'm going to try to sleep here soon. Maybe get too sleep earlier then normal for a change. Take care. Until later, bye.

P.S. I've got a cold. Stuffed up head, horrible cough, and nose that's stuffy. Oh yeah, the joys of being sick.


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