Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Bittersweet anniversary

The day has barely started, but I find myself reflecting on these past 9 months. Today is my husband's and my 9th anniversary and while I should be 100% happy, I'm also finding myself rather sad...

Today was my due date. Instead of being able to celebrate the joy of a birth, I miscarried 8w3d on May 22nd. I know when my husband and I go out on our date tonight, I will enjoy it. But still I'll think about the way things could have been. Would we have not had a date today, but instead be in the hospital while I delivered a child? I know I cannot dwell on the things that can't be, but focus on the future ahead.

Today I'm further then I was last time... tomorrow puts me at 9 weeks. I'm proud, but still nervous about the next few weeks. Everything is going smooth, so I'm definitely feeling better about this pregnancy. I'm grateful for what I have and enjoy every minute I've been blessed, I just worry it will end.

Wishing all my TTC great news! I check in for updates often. I'm so glad to see some of them have had great news and hope wonderful news follows for the rest!

Remind me I still owe you pictures from this last year!


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Getting past this point...

I really hate how infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss kills your innocence. It's made it so hard for me to feel happy about things currently. Instead I'm nervous, paranoid and afraid to lose yet another pregnancy.

Honestly I still cannot look at another pregnant ladies belly without a twinge. I'm jealous. Nothing bad, but I'm just wishing I could get to that point. Just kind of hits me and makes me wonder... will I ever get to that point again? Don't get me wrong.. so excited to see all those who've dealt with horrible situations to be blessed. I just worry about my situation.

I wish I could be like my one sister in law... she's a fertile myrtle. As fertile as it gets, in fact she so lovingly referred to her family in her Christmas newsletter as "the ever-growing family". Secretly my other SIL, Misty, and I feel like that means she's pregnant again (she has an 8 month old and two others under 3). She's one of those people who doesn't seem to ever worry about what's going to happen. She's oblivious, it seems. One day I wish she'd live in our shoes and I only wished I lived in hers. Oh to not worry every time you have an ultrasound if it is the last time you'll see a heart beat. Must be nice.

Any one else feel like your innocence has been taken away?


Thursday, December 23, 2010

This year at a glance

I've seen a lot of people looking over their year, and I figured I'd join in and share what my family's 2010 has been like.

January - I had gotten my new camera this month, so as you can imagine I wanted to use it as much as I could. My family and I went to Sequim, WA; Hood Canal in WA; Seattle, WA; Seabeck, WA; and Hood Canal a second time. We had a great time, went to a game farm while we were in Sequim and to the aquarium in Seattle.

February - The beginning of the month my mother came to visit, like most every February to celebrate my son's 4th birthday. She's only missed one and doesn't plan to miss any more if she can. We went bowling and ate some ice cream at dairy queen, we had a blast having her here for the week. After she left we went to visit Hansville, WA and Poulsbo, WA. At Hansville we went to their beach, checked out the lighthouse. It was beautiful over there and in the distance you could see Seattle. It was amazing. In Poulsbo we went to the Marine Science Center, felt some starfish and watched a beautiful Octopus show off for us.

March - In the beginning of the month my sister-in-law and her family came to visit. Her daughter was in cheer leading and one of their competition was 30 minutes away so they visited us in the afternoons for two days. Our kids love each other so they had a blast, but it ended abruptly when our son hit his head into our oak chest and cut himself. He was fine, but at the time it caught him (and us) off guard. This month we also went to Seabeck, WA; Poulsbo, WA; Port Townsend, WA; and Bainbridge Island. A ton of fun - beaches, watching seagulls drop clams on the hard rocks below, seeing a deer in Port Townsend, and going to more beaches.

April/May- In the beginning of April (Easter) we had some fun in Bainbridge Island at their aquatic center with Andrew's twin girl friends and their parents. It was a great time. We also had a Easter hunt and decorated Easter eggs. I found out I was pregnant in mid-April. I had two miscarriages (one before my son and one after) so I was very nervous about everything. HCG showed low numbers, not doubling like they should.. but every one told me to have faith (doctors included). I tried. Saw the heart beat two times even, once when I started spotting at 7 weeks. 8w3d I started bleeding heavily and found out I miscarried. It was horrible. I still trucked on. The same day we found out I miscarried I tried making the best of it by going to a farmer's market for some pictures, but it was hard seeing a lot of pregnant ladies and kids.

June/July - After my miscarriage we didn't do as much. Hit another farmer's market and went to Bloedel Reserve in Bainbridge Island in June. Mid-July we went to visit family in Idaho. We spent two weeks living in my mother's house while we visited every one. We had a good time for the most part. It was hard to go to my father-in-laws house while every one was there, including my one sister-in-law who is a fertile myrtle and was due when I should have been (the miscarriage before this last one). She showed off her two month old to every one, blabbered on about her 2 month old and her two other children - 3 under 3. I was in pain, since I tried 3 years and in that time she had 3 no less one due when mine should have been. I had to spend most my time outside avoiding every one. At the end of the July we went camping with some of his family. It was.. okay. I'm not too fond of camping, being as it was my first time and three different sprays didn't protect me from those mosquitoes. They *loved* me.

August - Beginning of August we made our way home, but stopped and spent a few hours at Yellowstone National Park. Let me tell you if you only have a day, don't do it! That place is so big you need a few days to conquer it all. We loved what we did do there though, then headed back to home stopping halfway there and finishing it the next day. Otherwise the only other thing we did that month was another farmer's market.

September- Instead of being able to truly mourn my mother-in-laws death (she passed away September 8th 2 years ago) my husband wound up having to have surgery on his knee. He wound up having his meniscus tear and it lodged itself in between his knee and caused it to lock up so surgery was rushed. Thankfully the issue has been fixed, but he's still suffering some pain and in physical therapy for who knows how long. My husband was so nice, the day before my birthday a place called Kitsap Tours invited me to come take photos on their tour and my husband told me to go. It was awesome - got to take some great photos and enjoy myself. I honestly don't remember what we did on my birthday, it was just another day but I loved spending it with family. On the 26th we went to Port Gamble, WA for a little fair they had. Andrew loved spending some on the rides, unfortunately though we didn't get to see the wood carving since my husband wound up feeling sick so we headed home.

October - My sister-in-law and her family visited for two days. Her grandma had kitties left on her doorstep so she was determined to find them homes and I told her I'd pay for her to come here, visit a little and give me a kitty. So they did :) We spent a few hours in Bainbridge Island at a place called Kidimu. A kind of discovery place for kids. They had some fun, but we cut it short and headed to Chuck-e-Cheese later that night. End of October was Halloween, of course. Son was dressed up like one of those dragons from "How to train your dragon". We went onto the military base and probably trick or treated for only 30-45 minutes but it was nice for kiddo.

November - Found out I was pregnant this month. Went from tricare prime to tricare standard so I could get an ob/gyn I wanted. I went with Dr. Q who was dealing with my infertility. She's been great. This month hasn't been that busy - we did have a snow day which was kind of nice (aside from the crazy drivers). Got some lovely snow shots and my husband and son threw snow at each other (and at me).

Honestly this month has been slow, but I don't mind. Not much energy, but Christmas is in two days. I'm not 100% ready (husband's presents are not wrapped and Christmas tree is lacking ornaments) so I think I best get to it!! To all those who celebrate, hope you have a wonderful holiday season!!

Perhaps in a few days I'll add some of the pictures I've taken this year.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Welcome ICLW!!!!

I think it's been a few months since I've done ICLW. I figured it would be good to introduce myself to all the new people checking out my blog and tell a little bit about what's been going on lately.

Well my name is Krystal, I've been married almost 9 years (December 29th) to my Navy man Aldon, and we have a son together who is almost 5 years old. It took us 2 1/2 years and one miscarriage to get pregnant with him, and he's truly a blessing. During the time it took trying to conceive him I was diagnosed with PCOS - long absent periods, some facial hair, weight issues, etc. In fact when I went off birth control to start TTC #1 I didn't have my period for about 10 months until I had to induce it with provera.

In April 2006 I stopped birth control again so we could start TTC #2. I didn't have my period for 9 months and finally when I was about to go in for provera it started up. In September 2009 I found out I was pregnant, but miscarried around 6 weeks. April 2010 I got pregnant and miscarried 8w3d. With low levels of HCG and slow growth I knew it would end out bad, but never expected it would go that long and see the heart beat a couple times before things failed. It was heartbreaking. During these 3 1/2 years I was diagnosed with low progesterone, insulin resistance, and vitamin d deficiency.

A month ago we found out I'm pregnant again, after being on 3 horrible cycles of clomid. The last cycle I actually stopped clomid 3 days into it since I became so emotional, which ironically is the cycle I became pregnant. I'm currently 7 wks 4 days pregnant and everything is going well. You can check for my pregnancy updates on the tab above, I'm updating it often. I was charting for the last 13 months to make sure I hit ovulation on the nose, and so glad I did. I learned so much reading the book "Taking charge of your fertility".

My ob/gyn I have now is very proactive. She's a wonderful lady and I'm glad I changed from Tricare Prime to standard so I could see her. Navy doctors and nurses treated me poorly when I've dealt with recurrent pregnancy loss I couldn't take it any more. And I haven't regretted it at all since I downgraded the insurance.

I'm sure I've left some details out, my history is also on the side.

Welcome to my blog!


Friday, December 17, 2010

Hurting when others hurt

Near the time I found out I was pregnant I had two friends "confide" in me. One told me she was starting to feel my world - infertility. She found out she had endometriosis and had been trying to conceive for a year. She found out how much it hurt every time she ever asked me "Are you pregnant yet?" before my son was conceived and "are you pregnant yet?" years or so after I had. It hurts to hear another person close to me suffers, but nice to know in my circle of friends I was no longer alone. But it hurt.

And during the same time period one of my friends found out she was 5 weeks pregnant and miscarrying. It's heart-aching whether you were trying to conceive or not. I know she knew about my history, and we discussed things which helped... but I know how it can take time to heal. I wonder is it harder to try hard to conceive, get pregnant and miscarry or find out you are but it's not going to last? Both situations are so harsh, and every one copes in different ways. I cannot imagine.

And just today one of the people I know online from my TTC groups (one I started like 1 year ago that she was in from the beginning who took over it after I miscarried last round and made the group run) found out that the baby was measuring behind and her babies heart stopped beating.

I hurt so much for all my friends. Infertility and miscarriages. No one should have to ever deal with these pains. It always kills me to wonder why people who are crappy parents or don't want kids can get pregnant on a dime but others who totally deserve that love get to suffer. It's heartbreaking. I can only pray time heals their wounds and hearts. I pray we all find our happiness.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

I put a friend on facebook block...

I have to admit - I put a close friend on facebook block this past week or so. Not completely, but just so none of her activity shows up on my front page. I feel guilty for it and I'm sure someone will disagree with my reasoning, but here it is: She posted a 3-d ultrasound of her pregnancy as her facebook picture.

I don't know what other people feel about this - but I feel rather annoyed. She knows I've had miscarriages and I'd see that, so I think it's rather rude. Especially since your facebook picture is supposed to be you.

I've always told other people that I know at least 4 people on my list suffering from infertility and/or miscarriages and before I post a picture of an ultrasound I will be sending a personal message to them about it. I will never make it my profile picture ever, I feel it's painful for others because I've been there. That's why I'm rather sad I put a friend on a block, but it hurts to see that.

I'm sure there's people out there who understand why I did that. She also has one of those weekly updates being posted and saying how far along she is and what should be going on in the pregnancy. I do look at her page every so often, but am so bothered by her picture. Tell me I'm not alone.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Suzy is awesome

Suzy from Blog sites by Suzy made me a blog!! It's perfect and fits perfectly with "Buzz Off Infertility". I'm so grateful she spent the time and effort to make this wonderful blog layout! Thank you so much!!


Monday, December 13, 2010

My pregnancy

I'm going to be putting this on it's own post, and updating it with new blood work and ultrasounds that way people can click a link to see all this information and that way it's not posted all the time. Lately I'm feeling kind of guilty about posting here, and with less people responding to my posts now I kind of get it (and respect that). So here it is! Sure my SIL will be excited :) Love her. This eventually will go down the list and only be seen on a toolbar I'll add soon.

DateTimePregnancyHCG LevelsProgesterone LevelsDoubling Time
11/22/2001011 am3w 4d (11dpo)38 mIU20.69-
11/24/2001010 am3w 6d (13dpo)129 mIU-26.65 hours
11/26/2001010 am4w 1d (15dpo)209 mIU-68.95 hours
11/29/200109 am4w 4d (18dpo)482 mIU17.5358.90 hours
12/02/201011 am5w 0d (21dpo)1847 mIU-38.18 hours
12/06/20102 pm5w 4d (25dpo)5856 mIU-59.47 hours
12/08/20102 pm5w 6d (27dpo)10,904 mIU-53.52 hours
12/10/201010 am6w 1d (29dpo)15,978 mIU-79.82 hours
12/15/201011 am6w 6d38,778 mIU-94.59 hours
12/22/201011 am7w 6d91,824 mIU-133.35 hours

5w1d ultrasound - gestational sac easuring 5w2d

6w1d ultrasound - fetus measuring 6w2d

7w1d ultrasound - fetus measuring 7w2d-7w3d

8w0d ultrasound - fetus measuring 8w1d perfect 171 heartbeat (for those who don't know, that's a yolk sac below)

9w1d ultrasound - fetus measuring 9w0d-9w1d

Ultrasound 01/07/2011 - I owe a picture!! Cleaned my house and have misplaced some stuff! I STILL cannot find this ultrasound to this day.

12w1d - Heard heart beat on the doppler for the first time @ doctor's office. Around the 160's.

14w4d - Heard the heart beat, around the 150's (doctor kind of guesses on that, she told me it doesn't actually tell the heart rate on her doppler!)

Ultrasound 18w4d March 7th, 2011 - 167 BPM, IT IS A BOY! Best picture was of his foot since he was facing my back!

22w4d April 4th, 2011 - Ultrasound since they couldn't check everything with him facing backward. Still facing back, but we got all the shots we need!! Amniotic fluid borderline, they like it above 10 and it was like 9.8. He measured at 1IB 5OZ already!!

26w4d May 2nd, 2011 - Ultrasound shows amniotic fluid looks good. Baby now weighs (according to them) 2 1/2 pounds! We have a chunky monkey! Appointments now happen every 2 weeks, but no future ultrasounds seen. GD came back normal, iron a little low. On supplements. Harder to get a picture of because he's decided to be head down today!


Thursday, December 9, 2010


Feel free to ignore this post, just updating those who are wondering how my beta's are coming along:

DateTimePregnancyHCG LevelsProgesterone LevelsDoubling Time
11/22/2001011 am3w 4d (11dpo)38 mIU20.69-
11/24/2001010 am3w 6d (13dpo)129 mIU-26.65 hours
11/26/2001010 am4w 1d (15dpo)209 mIU-68.95 hours
11/29/200109 am4w 4d (18dpo)482 mIU17.5358.90 hours
12/02/201011 am5w 0d (21dpo)1847 mIU-38.18 hours
12/06/20102 pm5w 4d (25dpo)5856 mIU-59.47 hours
12/08/20102 pm5w 6d (27dpo)10,904 mIU-53.52 hours

I was surprised to hear the nurse say "wow" before she gave me the results. I was shocked as well - since they're looking for a doubling time of ~72 hours or slower by this point. I'm feeling better about tomorrow's ultrasound. Everything is going great, so I'm sure this ultrasound will be right where it needs to be.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


I must admit this holiday season I feel a little more like Scrooge. It's 18 days until Christmas and I haven't told my DH what I want for Christmas. Why? I just don't know. I've been going through a "nesting" stage already.. yes, way too soon, but I want to de-clutter! I see no sense in getting more items when we're trying to get rid of items. I'm also feeling blah this season. I know I have no right too, but with me miscarrying at 8 weeks last time I was pregnant I worry I'll do the same again... which mind you, would hit right at Christmas time.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I cannot overcome that feeling. This pregnancy is leaving me on edge, which so far is going just fine. I just cannot shake the worry of doom. My mom said I was being too negative and I know that I am... I just haven't known anything but miscarriages the past two years.

Perhaps it's time to get the tree decorated and hang up some lights. Maybe that will help me work my way out of a funk. As for knowing what to ask DH for Christmas? Ah, heck, I still don't know. We've been married nearly 9 years, I was bound to stop having stuff I wanted sometime!

Yesterday's blood draw

Just updating my friend's who want to know how things are going with my blood work, technically posting this later then it says however wanted to show it before the other blog so others could kind of steer clear of it. Right now I'm just talking to myself lately, I think.

DateTimePregnancyHCG LevelsProgesterone LevelsDoubling Time
11/22/2001011 am3w 4d (11dpo)38 mIU20.69-
11/24/2001010 am3w 6d (13dpo)129 mIU-26.65 hours
11/26/2001010 am4w 1d (15dpo)209 mIU-68.95 hours
11/29/200109 am4w 4d (18dpo)482 mIU17.5358.90 hours
12/02/201011 am5w 0d (21dpo)1847 mIU-38.18 hours
12/06/20102 pm5w 4d (25dpo)5856 mIU-59.47 hours

I asked the nurse if the doubling time was just fine, since I wrote down roughly what the doubling time would be if it was at certain #'s. She says they're very happy about it and that it should be doubling every 72 hours so it was good to hear. Although I know I'll be on edge until I hit 9 weeks I'm so glad to see the #'s doing what they need to do - with the May loss I never hit that high of a number!! Isn't that sad?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Always busy, never complaining...

I must admit even though I'm a stay at home to my one (almost 5 year old) son, I find myself rather busy all the time. It doesn't help I'm trying to also do a little business on the side, which isn't that successful. Right now it's just fun for me, but it does keep me busy. That along with every thing else - dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc it's amazing how you can fill up the day doing all that! Some of my friends are surprised that most of the time my plans include cleaning some each day. Isn't that always how it goes? It just means we have too much junk!! Which we do, and oddly enough even though every few months I donate we still seem to have more to donate the next time around.

So how about you? Do you find yourself overwhelmed with chores, or are you more laid back? Do you have a plan of attack? Oddly enough chores remind me of TTC, some chose to plan out what they'll do months in advance and some will take it day by day and see where it takes them.

Anyway, if you honestly have some good tips I could use them! I feel like my house is taking over my life!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

5 weeks today

I promise I will be making posts *not* related to pregnancy in the next week. I do want to not lose a lot of followers/friends, although I understand if this becomes one of those blogs that gets looked at less and less. I do want this not to be just about pregnancy, so I will be figuring out ways to make it interesting for every one. Probably include my photography, or perhaps I'll stop being lazy and work on my crafts!! I think I'd shock every one if I did - seeing as my crafts have been untouched for at least a half year. *blush*

However this one is about the pregnancy, sorry! Just an update on the betas. I was getting nervous when it went from a 26 hour beta time to a 68 hour beta time, since it felt like deja vu of my other pregnancies. In May when I was pregnant it was really off. The first two were 40 hour doubling times, jumped to an 100 hour doubling time then 63 hour doubling time... after that all chaos broke lose. Could you imagine at 7 weeks I only had a 3586 mIU HCG level? And yet they tried to play it as just fine! I'm proud to say my last beta doubled in 38 hours. I'm not out of the wood works yet, but I'm feeling better. Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment with Dr. Q - they're not sure what she'll do. Possible ultrasound, probably not.. but she did say we'd be doing one at 6 weeks so here's hoping things look great when we do!

DateTimePregnancyHCG LevelsProgesterone LevelsDoubling Time
11/22/2001011 am3w 4d (11dpo)38 mIU20.69-
11/24/2001010 am3w 6d (13dpo)129 mIU-26.65 hours
11/26/2001010 am4w 1d (15dpo)209 mIU-68.95 hours
11/29/200109 am4w 4d (18dpo)482 mIU17.5358.90 hours
12/02//2001011 am5w 0d (21dpo)1847 mIU-38.18 hours