Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

19 days to go..

I finally got my referral process to the ob/gyn clinic who deals with infertility done, with no hassle or setbacks from my insurance or the military hospital nearby (who could intercept it if they think they have the means to help me). My appointment is set up and I have 19 days to go, which is great since the days have been going quickly.

I also got my lab work back from my doctor, who doesn't know what the #'s mean, but I didn't care since I wanted them done ahead of time and to look them up online. Here's what I had:

FSH: 4.6

Estradiol: 82

LH: 4.2

Prolactin: 15.1

Progesterone: 0.83

TSH: 1.28

Testosterone: Ugh, unknown.. the office forgot to do that one or didn't see it written down.


Almost all the #'s look normal according to what I have read. The only thing I could see being a problem is that my estradiol level is high, but I won't know more about what the #'s mean until I see the ob/gyn. Hopefully she can help put some light on the subject. Let's just hope these next 2 1/2 weeks go by in an orderly fashion. We've been TTC long enough, I'd like to know what is going on. Speaking of which, husband has a sperm analysis Tuesday, so I'm interested to find out the results! Although I'm 100% sure the issue is me, I'd rather make sure of it.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Feeling selfish sometimes

I've been blessed with one miracle child, but it definitely was an infertility struggle to have him. However, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of those with two children. I'm even more jealous of those who have had multiples. I'm extremely jealous of those pregnant.

And... I'm selfish. I have been reading blogs, one person who had their two year old die of cancer. That broke my heart into pieces, I read their journey in tears. I've read a ton of infertility struggles, some ending in miscarriage or a road continuing down to IUI's and IVF's. It breaks my heart. And every time I see a pregnant lady I'm trying to remember - they might have been in my position at one point in time praying for a miracle.

It's a reminder to appreciate what I have, which I do... but I feel selfish sometimes realizing there's people out there struggling more then I am. All I can do is hope and pray for them to be blessed too. Sometimes we forget that we're not the only people who have been having issues and struggling. Infertility is a long road, and a lot of us are on the path looking for the right route to go.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Finding myself

Any one else notice how infertility makes you feel like you have lost the person you once were? Honestly, infertility brings out the bitterness and jealousy in us, which isn't necessary the person we are inside!

I got AF yesterday and of course have turned into my emotional, bitter, evil counterpart. I realized, though, that I need to find myself again. I've been focusing on photography, which is great.. so at least I haven't lost all of my interests. However I've lost the rest of my crafts and even worse I've lost my health.

I know a lot of us could say we need to lose weight, I'm definitely included in that mix. When TTC my son I weighed 262 at my heaviest and after many years struggled to get down to 197 before I found out I was pregnant with him. Since then I've slacked off again. I got to my newest high of 267 about 2 years ago, struggled to lose some weight, and have since then hovered in the 220's. I need to re-discover WHY I want to be healthy. I honestly think losing weight helped my fertility. Now some heavier set women are very fertile no matter how much they weigh... I'm not one of them. I have PCOS and insulin resistance and know I should be taking better care of myself. I'm sure that's part of my infertility struggles again.

So I've been writing down a plan - the foods to bring home (fruits, vegetables, lean meats) and am starting to remember which healthy "treats" I can eat more of without feeling guilty. Sugars and sweets need to be limited in my house because I've gone back to my former self who has emotional eating issues. Don't worry, she'll be gone soon... I'll be back to the person I once was. Well, still jealous and bitter at times, but I'll weigh less ;)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Welcome to hell...

You start spotting, your BBT drops... hello PMS, welcome to Hell. It's bad enough bleeding but adding the emotions and cramps to it and any one in your path better hope they make it out alive.

That is what is happening over here. I'm only 11 dpo but the last two days I was spotting, I've been very crampy, my emotions are starting to pour, and my BBT plummeted (after gradually going down everyday this past week) and now is residing at my pre-ovulation temperatures. This cycle sucks. It sucked bad that I didn't ovulate until CD 56, but now it sucks even worse than I ever thought it could.

I've been finding it harder to keep faith. I've been finding it hard to not know why I cannot get pregnant again or keep it. I really didn't want to have to go to the next step of an infertility specialist (not a reproductive endo, though, there's an ob/gyn that deals with most aspects of it but not IUI or IVF). I guess it's time for the tests and extensive workups... I just was hoping a miracle would happen before then.

I asked my doctor for a 7dpo progesterone workup, it was only 7.0 which is rather low but I suspected I had low progesterone already. I'm working on figuring out what the next step is, since 7.0 is considered ovulating but not strong enough (or viable enough I guess for implantation). I have probably 2 months before I actually see someone who knows 100% what the numbers mean and what I should do, but I don't want to wait 2 months to be pro-active.

I guess it will all work out in the end - just sucks trying to be patient!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

3 more things to do in the 2ww

Spring Clean

Time to do all the Spring cleaning you can! Been a while since you did the laundry, dishes, or dusting? Speaking of which, how much dust bunnies can you find in your house currently? Time to make it so they're no longer residents in your house! I'm sure there's a lot of cleaning you can catch up on, so please get away from the computer and start! And if you are lucky enough to have a spot-free house, please come help me with mine!

Spend some time with friends

If you have friends who are going through IF along with you, it's the best time to go out and do something together! Shop, gossip, eat some dinner, or watch a movie together! This can be aligned with my previous suggestion of indulging. Spend some money on yourself with your best-est bud(s)! They don't even need to be IF friends, however you have a better chance of not wanting to cry by the end when they surprise you with, "I AM PREGNANT!"

Obese over @

Okay, so I don't really suggest doing this. However, if you're up for driving yourself bonkers, over-analyzing everything (including bodily functions), becoming an obsessive mess, and making yourself have high hopes then this is the place for you! I guarantee you'll be logging in obsessively, clicking on everything that happens that day (including but not limited to changes in CM, cramps, sore nipples, nausea). Hours of fun there, right?

Monday, March 8, 2010

5 things to do in the 2ww

Start a journal

Or even start a blog if you want to be in the technological age! Either way, your journal (or blog) can be ramblings about anything from ttc to what you're grateful for. Okay, you're even allowed to rant to your hearts desire! It will pass a good amount of time, assuming you're doing it often and are not a fast typist or writer.


Best time to get things organized before you have a child making it so you never have a clean house again! Take the time to organize the things you have slacked off on and even donate things that have been collecting dust in your basement or attic.


The best time is to take time out for yourself. Pedicure? Manicure? A new haircut and dye-job? Sure, why not? We all need to be pampered out. If you need the less expensive route there is always a bubble bath with Epsom salt waiting for you at home. Or even if you take the time to look online there's always at home spa suggestions. Maybe you can convince your husband to give you a full body massage. *Disclaimers note: Will not be held responsible for any actions that result with both parties when full body massage is done.


I'm not suggesting this is the best time to decide to start the intense cycling class or even start using *any* Jillian workouts, because you' would elevate your heart quite a bit (and possibly tear something). It would be a good time for a casual stroll, a hike, or even yoga. Now is a good time to adopt a healthy lifestyle that you can stick to even while you are pregnant.

Invest in hobbies

Got a hobby you're dying to try or you already love doing? Perhaps a new class at a craft store nearby? Try it out! It would be a good time to get back into the things you love whether it be photography, painting, sewing, crocheting, scrap-booking, etc! It'd give you time to sew or crochet a baby quilt or scrapbook some baby pages together ahead of time. Hobbies make the time go a ton quicker!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

2 dpo...

It finally happened! I only had one day of a positive OPK this cycle and the next day (CD 56) I ovulated, it's been confirmed by two temperatures above cover-line so I'm happy. I think this cycle was really "off"... well obviously ovulating about 30 days later then normal didn't help, but the day of ovulation my cervix shut tight and I was dry! Very strange and has never happened like this before, but I guess we'll see if this cycle was a bust or not in two weeks. Well, more like 4-7 more days of me holding out testing knowing my *lack* of willpower.

All I can do is hope and keep faith.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Patience is paying off

It's CD 55 here and I finally got a positive OPK so I'm excited about ovulating! I was so tempted to take provera to induce a period this past week or two but I kept putting it off. The thought of waiting 10 days after the pills to get a period not including the 26 or so days until ovulation occurred just didn't make me feel comfortable so I held out. It's finally paying off!

Unfortunately my husband's back is hurting so he got a check-up today and the doctor said he tore something and gave him pain killer and muscle relaxer. I'm not sure the affects of the medicines on sperm, but hopefully what sex we have had and any to follow will work out as hoped. One can only keep faith, right?

Monday, March 1, 2010

CD 52... and...

no show. I was sick the mid-month and I am pretty sure that delayed ovulation. Gratefully I'm starting to have EWCM again and my OPK's are getting darker so I am hoping for good news!

In April we "celebrate" TTC #2 for 3 years and I find myself a little more emotional about it all lately. We decided it was time to get proactive - my husband is going to his doctor on Thursday to ask for a semen analysis and I got an appointment on Friday with my PCM to refer me to someone who can deal with infertility.

I came to a decision for a while I won't be dealing with Madigan Army Facility if I can prevent it. Right now I want to get testing done and I noticed that there is an ob/gyn clinic nearby who deals with infertility issues and tricare approved. So I figured it'd be good to go there for testing, more blood work, consulting, possibly fertility medicines again, and for monitoring. I figure if we can get into someone closer to find out what our issues are then it'd be better then heading on a 60 minute drive (we live in Silverdale) every time I need to be checked out. I'm hoping it works, but to make sure I've been contacting Tricare and the clinic to make sure. It sounds like there should be no issue so once I talk to my PCM I'll ask to be referred to a ob/gyn who deals in infertility out here. And if time comes that our issues will need something more I'll go to Madigan for IUI's. Although I'm still questioning if I can see a covered civilian doctor and still just pay out of pocket for certain things but that will be something to ask later.

So while I'm praying I do ovulate soon I'm hoping for the best this coming month. I just know three years is a long time. Granted my husband was gone for part of the year, but that is military and submarines for you!