Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Finding myself

Any one else notice how infertility makes you feel like you have lost the person you once were? Honestly, infertility brings out the bitterness and jealousy in us, which isn't necessary the person we are inside!

I got AF yesterday and of course have turned into my emotional, bitter, evil counterpart. I realized, though, that I need to find myself again. I've been focusing on photography, which is great.. so at least I haven't lost all of my interests. However I've lost the rest of my crafts and even worse I've lost my health.

I know a lot of us could say we need to lose weight, I'm definitely included in that mix. When TTC my son I weighed 262 at my heaviest and after many years struggled to get down to 197 before I found out I was pregnant with him. Since then I've slacked off again. I got to my newest high of 267 about 2 years ago, struggled to lose some weight, and have since then hovered in the 220's. I need to re-discover WHY I want to be healthy. I honestly think losing weight helped my fertility. Now some heavier set women are very fertile no matter how much they weigh... I'm not one of them. I have PCOS and insulin resistance and know I should be taking better care of myself. I'm sure that's part of my infertility struggles again.

So I've been writing down a plan - the foods to bring home (fruits, vegetables, lean meats) and am starting to remember which healthy "treats" I can eat more of without feeling guilty. Sugars and sweets need to be limited in my house because I've gone back to my former self who has emotional eating issues. Don't worry, she'll be gone soon... I'll be back to the person I once was. Well, still jealous and bitter at times, but I'll weigh less ;)


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