Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Just stuff *added more

You always know how life is full of irony? Well, that's my life in a nut shell. Last time I miscarried, I was told a month later in an E-mail that my SIL was pregnant and due when I should have been. Well I knew irony would catch up with me and asked my friend yesterday if she found out if she was pregnant since she was late. Well, wouldn't you know it? She's pregnant. It's awesome for her - she's tried a little over a year and has 5 year old twin girls (not due to medical intervention). It's nice for her, but irony to me. I'm glad for her, but at the same time I'm envious. Why does miscarriages bring out the jealousy in me? Any one who has had a miscarriage can see why I'm sure. Even infertility will do that. I'm happy for her, but wondering where along the line did I screw up? What did I do that makes me not deserve to be 100% happy?

Any way, once these stupid cramps are done I'd really like to start working out more and losing weight. Still need to come up with the recipes and food choices I'll eat - but I know more then anything I need to get my butt back to working out again. So I found a recumbent bike I like that's roughly $299 that we're considering getting. I also want to get a punching bag, but that might wait. The stand is roughly $130 and the punching bag it self it nearly $100. I know my DH is probably wondering if I'll stick to working out with these items, since many other pieces have been donated due to lack of excitement. I'm sure these ones will be used a ton though. He asked me realistically what my weight loss goal is. I asked him what he meant. He asked me in 6 months where I could realistically get to and I think my body would say 15-30 pounds as a realistic 6 month goal. PCOS and IR tend to make it harder so I have to also change my eating in order to succeed 100%. I'm up for trying! I need to for my health and my future babies.

Just on a side note I've thought about getting a tattoo. I wanted one with baby feat and I found a design I like and it's so appropriate. Here's the idea:

And it fits so much with the poem I found online:
These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have wings.
These tiny footprints were meant
for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
if you just give me the chance.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind,
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
are found on Mommy and Daddy's hearts.
'Cause even though I'm gone now,
We'll never truly part.

It'd be my first tattoo so I'm thinking long and hard about it, but it feels like something I want. I've thought about it for a while now and I feel it works for both my pregnancy losses and my child(ren). The blue/pink on the heart are pregnancy loss ribbon colors. I did that one my own, the rest I found online and couldn't figure where it came from.


Life Happens said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am so sorry for your recent loss. I think all of us who have gone through IF (or still going through it) knows the feelings of jealousy when we hear pregnancy announcements.

I hope and pray that you will be able to get through this and regain your physical and emotional strength back. ((Hugs))

Louise B said...

I love the tattoo design. I am thinking of getting something similar. Hugs for the losses you hv endured.

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