Appointments (and complaining)

I got an appointment scheduled Tuesday to talk to my PCM (primary care manager) about some of the blood work I figured isn't up Dr. Q's alley. I decided Thursday to get some of my records from the Navy ob/gyn office and it mentioned a high white blood count (cut off it 10 and mine was 10.9) so I questioned it, since no one ever gave me results of my blood work at all. So I figured I'd ask the PCM to check to make sure my levels are not still high since I'm no longer pregnant and to also check vitamin D and calcium again as well. Possibly some other normal blood work too - I just know I've been feeling run down and sluggish again. Honestly I think I felt less tired when I was pregnant and not sleeping until 1-2 am.

I kind of pushed off calling and making an appointment with Dr. Q for more blood work, although I want to. I've just been trying to still cope with every thing that has happened. Thankfully people seem to understand why I haven't said much or been social, but I wonder if secretly they think I should be over it all.

The biggest issue I have with ob/gyn offices is there's no place for the infertile or pregnancy loss women to hide. Their offices are all inconsiderate - all these women coming in showing off their bellies (no less rubbing them) while here I sit looking at my belly that hasn't recuperated from the pregnancy and miscarriage. How I envy them. Such a beautiful blessing to have which I miss. So many women complaining about their pregnancies lately - how much they hate being pregnant, hate puking, hate the swelling, the endless nights of not sleeping, and more. I have half a nerve to tell them to shove it - there is people worse out there then them. There's people who pray to have all those issues. I know some people have it bad and have to be hospitalized, that's different... but still, all these women need to remember how blessed they are to feel like crap.

No one ever told me if I should take a break TTC, which is odd since my other miscarriages they talked about that with me. I guess once you have three miscarriages you know the drill. I haven't been charting, but I should since I know I'll probably ovulate in two weeks. I'm confused why Dr. Q. wants me on clomid next month, but timing wise ovulation will hit when we should be going to a family reunion. Horrible timing. I asked DH if he would pass it up if it meant we would have a chance to get pregnant and he said yes, but this was before we got pregnant and miscarried so I guess things have changed.

I need a real vacation. A relaxing hotel, no worries... just my husband, my son, and my camera. All of which I'm thankful to have.

I'll shut up now. Sometimes I just need to vent and blog. Sorry to all those who stuck it out and read. LOL.