Honestly I still cannot look at another pregnant ladies belly without a twinge. I'm jealous. Nothing bad, but I'm just wishing I could get to that point. Just kind of hits me and makes me wonder... will I ever get to that point again? Don't get me wrong.. so excited to see all those who've dealt with horrible situations to be blessed. I just worry about my situation.
I wish I could be like my one sister in law... she's a fertile myrtle. As fertile as it gets, in fact she so lovingly referred to her family in her Christmas newsletter as "the ever-growing family". Secretly my other SIL, Misty, and I feel like that means she's pregnant again (she has an 8 month old and two others under 3). She's one of those people who doesn't seem to ever worry about what's going to happen. She's oblivious, it seems. One day I wish she'd live in our shoes and I only wished I lived in hers. Oh to not worry every time you have an ultrasound if it is the last time you'll see a heart beat. Must be nice.
Any one else feel like your innocence has been taken away?
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3 comments:
I hear ya, I wrote a post very similar to this one last week.
I feel like Infertility has stolen my joy, I can't be happy for my own pregnancy because of every thing I had to go through to get to this point.
I hope your 2011 is filled with Joy and Happiness!
Happy ICLW
#50
I absolutely feel that way. Not only has it taken away my innocence, but just down-right made me fearful. I worry for friends when they announce their pregnancies the day the find out - of course nothing ever seems to go wrong for any of them, just us. I am scared of not falling pregnant again, but even more terrified that if (when!) I do it will go horribly wrong again and leave us with even more pain.
Hopefully one day we'll all replace that lost innocence with wisdom and peace.
I think the loss of innocence is very common with infertility. It's a loss not to have it anymore, but it does come with a silver lining--awareness and wisdom. Unfortunately, the fact is that bad things sometimes do happen, and I feel it's better to be aware of that possibility. It also helps you appreciate things in your life that do go well.
I wish you the best of luck in your pregnancy!
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