Primary and secondary infertility. Recurrent pregnancy loss. PCOS. Insulin Resistance. Low progesterone. Vitamin D deficient. 3 1/2 years and 3 (more) clomid cycle cautiously expecting #2!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

How do you respond...

How do you respond when you get a sincere message from your friend, who has two 5 year old twins (not from medical means) and is now 20 weeks pregnant (spent 1+ year TTC)? I got a message from my friend today, she's a great lady and wound up finding out she was pregnant right as I was miscarrying. I knew she was pregnant when she said she was late but didn't want to test. I'm not sure if it's because life just seems to be that cruel to me or what... but she deserves to have children (just like every one else in IF world). She spotted us at Lowes last night after she just had her ultrasound appointment to find out the gender. She's a very great lady... this is what she wrote:

"Hey there,
I'm not really sure what to say. But I hope I didn't make you too sad yesterday when we ran into you at Lowes.
I'm not really sure what to do. I've really enjoyed becoming friends with your family an hanging out. But I worry. I don't know what to do about the baby. I don't want to make you sad. But the baby is coming and 5 months from now, it will always be around. I don't know what to do to make it easier for you.
I remember once just before I got pregnant I went to a play. It was about 5 sisters. Most of it was about the sisters when they were older after their mom had died. But at the beginning they had 5 little girls playing following-the-leader while the narrator set up the story. And I started to bawl. I wanted that so bad. I wanted K & E to have siblings. I'm so close to my sisters, and my mom is really close to her sisters. And I wanted K & E to have that too. I wanted them to grow up with lots of kids running around.
And I was thinking about you last night and I realized that that's how you feel all the time. You want more kids soo bad.
But like I said. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you as a friend. And I certainly don't want to depress you every time I invite you over. But I can't exactly make our baby situation disappear either. So I don't know.
I just wanted you to know that I do care and I wish there was something I could do.
I do believe that there is a reason for everything. And that God doesn't just forget about us for a while. I believe God knows you. And I believe he is very aware of how sad you are. But just like when we take our kids to get a shot. Our kids think we are the meanest parents in the world and why on earth would we let someone do that to them. But we understand things that 2 and 3 yr olds just don't. And I believe it is the same way with God. He understands things and sees things that we just don't. But it doesn't make the shot hurt any less. It still hurts like crazy and we still cry. And we have to find a way to deal with the pain.
I know that all my babbling isn't going to make everything all better. But I just basically wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Wishing I could make things all better. Let me know if there is anything I could do to make it easier on you."

How do you respond? How do you make sure to maintain your friendship with someone who worries how you're hurting? Yes, I'm hurting. Yes, I cry wondering why I had to miscarry and someone else was blessed with the joys of pregnancy. Yes, I worry my son will never be blessed with siblings. Her twins always had each other for five years and now there is another one on the way. My son has only has himself. I hurt thinking that's how his life will be. Not jabbing at any one who has done that, but I always wanted a bigger family. I just don't know how to respond to her message. I want to keep our friendship and know that in 20 weeks she'll have a baby so no matter what there will be close reminders of my loss. I suck it up... I deal with it. But how do I write it down that I'll be just fine?


Post a Comment